Would it offend you as a owner?

I have a few dolls in my collection that have garnered these types of messages.

Some have been polite - along the lines of "if you ever plan to sell, please let me know, i'd love to purchase". Those are fine by me and I genuinely do try to keep track of people who have expressed interest in certain dolls if they ever make it to the chopping block (though the one doll has a list of about 10 people haha).

But I've also gotten "sell me x" "don't you want to sell me y" "could you sell me z" or other various messages of people asking (or trying to demand) me to sell specific dolls or asking me if certain dolls are up for sale (when there isn't a sales post, or asking if I'm willing to sell any of my other dolls that aren't listed as for sale). Those I don't take as kindly to.

 

Yes. It comes off as self entitlement. I think if I am talking to someone and they say 'if you ever think about selling this doll let me know' is fine.

But if your first message to me is 'is your doll for sale' then yeah. Its very rude. I have no problem in people asking 'Can I still buy one' or 'what sculpt is that?'

 

I don't think it was their intention to offend you. They like your doll. Just compliment, I guess. It's okay. Just a question. But something similar happens to me when I share photos and a person comes up and (without commenting on the quality of the photos or anything) asks point blank where I bought my doll's jacket from. Then I think it would be better to comment on the doll photo first, and then spark a conversation about other things. But I guess everyone sees this differently... I try to see these things as compliments. I'm actually flattered when someone likes my doll so much that they want to buy it.

 

I understand the temptation- there are several dolls that belong to other people that I would give my left arm to own. But at the same time, these sorts of messages do kind of annoy me. I'm not offended, per se, just a little irritated. I think it's relatively clear that I care a lot about my dolls, and I put a lot of effort into them, and the idea that I'd just sell them because someone asked... yeah.

I don't tend to take it out on the person, though, unless they're rude about it.

I have a couple of dolls that use to garner this sort of attention regularly, but I have messages around my doll blog that indicate that none of my dolls are for sale unless otherwise noted, so that does mitigate the amount of messages I get.

 

I hope that's not bad manners because I do casually ask that sort of thing.

 

@lutke Asking sculpts not bad manners! It takes a long time to recognize sculpts at first glance. If you can easily find the info (like in someone's profile), it might be a little annoying (to me at least). Asking if you can still buy one if you already have the sculpt name would not get a response from me. I can google it just as well as the person asking.

 

@nyaaain Oh yeah I meant asking what sculpt a doll is. I generally try to find things on my own first.

 

@lutke there is nothing wrong with asking what sculpt a doll is!

 

@RozenMaiden_Girl I always trust Shinku on doll etiquette

 

I've never been asked to sell a doll, but knowing myself I would probably feel a bit flattered, and definitely not offended. However if I were open to selling the doll in question... well, I wouldn't sell to a complete rando that seemingly isn't even in the hobby no matter what, but, if that someone clearly is in the hobby already, I would probably make extra sure that they already have a good reputation in selling/buying and so on, since it is a bit odd to ask without being prompted. I mean, I'm myself terrible with unspoken rules but even I immediately picked up on it generally being frowned upon to ask to buy someone's doll if it's not already listed as being for sale, so despite me not minding if someone asked me, it would make me a bit wary of them and therefore somewhat less inclined to sell to them.

If being asked to just keep someone in mind if I ever were to decide to sell a specific doll, I would be happy to, and would be more inclined to sell to them.

All that said, now that I've thought of this more, I guess the issue at its core for me isn't so much about how it's being asked, but rather whether the wannabe buyer seems to follow the rules of the community, like, if they break that unspoken rule, then perhaps they are more likely to also break the rule of not being a Scammy McScammerson as well? Or something. After all, if directly asking to buy was actually how it was generally done in this hobby, then it itself wouldn't make me more wary of the person asking like it would now.

 

Someone did this with lolita fashion once, and it was more awkward than anything; only because I was a people pleaser and I’d torture myself over how to say ‘no’ in the best way

I’d never be offended, but intention and tone matters.
It’s not rude to me say: “Hey, if you EVER want to sell this, please keep me in mind”, but it would be tacky to say: “I want this, name your price.”

I’m personally generally too meek to ask, even over the internet, but you never know if someone was secretly thinking about selling or not. Maybe messaging them is the push they need.

 

I heard some people get really offended by this, but I never understood it. I would just say "This doll is not for sale, sorry!", it doesn't bother me any to type a short simple message like that

 

Once in the 00s I went to a ComicCon in my hometown and decided to bring one of my SDs (no longer with me). Of course, the doll caught people's attention and it was normal for them to stare at me. I just knew about BJD's from some girls years before who had their BJD's with them in the same ComicCon and I went over to talk. They were super cool they shared some websites with me.

I recall Volks and DOD.

When I took mine, people asked me questions and were very friendly, I could tell they were genuinely curious to see such a doll.
But one woman came up to me and asked me if my doll was for sale. I told her no and she started getting violent and touching the doll asking "Why I was carrying such a beautiful doll if she wasn´t for sale?".
She grabbed it by the foot stretched out her leg and let it go suddenly stretching her elastic. Nothing happened to my doll, but it made me very upset because the woman had crossed a boundary.

At that time I was very young and there wasn't so much information about dolls and I didn't know what to do.

Nowadays I pass on interesting links to people who ask me these questions and tell them that along with these beautiful dolls, it is also part of the hobby to spend months researching to find the perfect doll. They usually react positively to this.

 

I have to admit, it does bother me. Especially if it's a doll that I've had for a long time or am very attached to. I used to quite often get people asking to buy my Soony, and I felt like, to them she's just a Soony, and they want any Soony, but to me she is Blue. How could you ask me to sell Blue? It also irritated me because I have been in the same boat. I spent a long time wanting a Soony and wishing one would come up for sale. I never went around asking people for theirs. I saved up lots of money and was very patient. If you want a specific doll that is hard to find, I think you should just be patient and keep looking (and if you're not willing to do that, you obviously don't want the doll that much!)

I always reply politely but yeah, I do find it rude.

 

It doesn’t bother me at all. In fact I completely understand it. I guess to some people it’s like asking them if their dog is for sale? But to me they are just objects. Objects I love very much, but objects. If someone approached me with an interest in my doll/s I’d be happy to take down their information for if I sell them in the future. Especially because I collect very rare sculpts that may only come up once in a blue moon, I can understand it, I really can.

Nebo to me is Nebo, not just the sculpt. But if one day decades from now I tired of him I would not be opposed to letting him go to someone who would love him just as much as me.

Considering how rare some of the sculpts I have are, if it was a poorly worded message I might assume it was a you know what trying to get their hands on one.

 

I've gotten a couple of "if (that one) ever needs to move on, please keep me in mind" type of messages from people I know, which is fine. There was someone on a FB group, though, who kept flat-out begging me and someone else to sell them particular dolls, The admin finally booted and blocked them.

 

It would annoy but not offend me, depending on circumstances

 

Tbh, I would ignore the post.

 

When this has happened, I've just ignored the post. Asking for a sale I didn't initiate definitely rubs me the wrong way and makes me feel pretty uncomfortable. I think I would feel differently if it was a close friend and they knew how I felt about the doll, but I definitely do not enjoy the solicitation from strangers.

 

No, it does not offend me and yes, it has happened before (and I did sell them the doll). I think I'd have issue if someone sent me an entitled message and was rude and/or demanding, but a polite inquiry of, "Hey, if you ever decide to sell, please keep me in mind" is perfectly fine. If you don't want to sell, a simple, "Thank you for the interest, but my doll isn't for sale; best of luck to you" should suffice.

I move in other doll collecting circles/communities as well and, believe it or not, these types of messages are expected and often even welcomed. Knowing there's an interest should one decide to rehome a doll brings some people comfort as the resale market is pretty terrible currently. They feel they have some kind of insurance if they end up not bonding or financial matters come up. My best doll friend is ecstatic when someone expresses interest in buying one of hers because she won't have to deal with the anxiety of potentially reselling a doll, even if she has zero interest in reselling that particular doll!

 

I had this happen and I was confused and a bit miffed over it. Not necessarily because of the ask as the person was fairly polite about it.

What annoyed me was that the person asking me contacted the individual who sold me the head for my name so they could then ask me sell said head to them. It was a gift head and the only way you could get it was if you bought the fullset or manage to snap it up 2nd hand like I did. I'd owned the head for about a year at the point when this other person contacted me. I politely declined, telling them that the head was a character of mine from one of my novels and that I wouldn't be parting with it. Thankfully they left it at that and didn't continue to try to change my mind (which wouldn't work).

I have asked a close friend about a doll they own but I've also known them for 16 years and we hang out regularly. When I asked, it was simply to say that if they ever thought about selling it, I'd appreciate first dibs (which they said I'd have if they ever decided to sell). I'd never dream of asking a total stranger to sell me their doll out of the blue.

 

I wouldn't be offended unless they were rude or demanding. While I'd probably never do it because I'm an anxious baby, I can totally understand why someone might. I would only really be upset if they were demanding or continued to hound me about it after I already said no.

 

Somebody just did this to me the other day on a social media platform. She DMd me after seeing me share my dolls and complimented me on them and asked me if I'd ever sell them.

Anybody on that doll forum who has been paying the least bit of attention to my posts pretty much knows that these are my new mostly used dolls that I've gotten since finally being housed again after a very long time homeless. I had a horrible few years and literally nearly died a couple of times.

Just having a crew of dolls and an apartment to house them in is a joy for me seriously. No way I'm even thinking of selling them. I'm just too happy to have a little collection again.

I feel like people who do this are a bit lazy. I duly appreciate that they like my dolls but I also feel like they just want to skip all the work I put into my dolls and get them the easy way.

I am not a fan of unsolicited offers or queries to sell out of the blue. If I wanted to sell a doll it would already be listed as for sale.

One woman once she kept upping her price for a rare doll I have. I was like "Give it up I'm NOT selling her!"

That doll now is going for outrageous sums and every once in a while she still emails me offering me some nice $$$ but even homeless and with the few dolls I had left sitting in a storage locker I was NOT selling that doll because the person who bought it for me is now deceased and she was very dear to me. Plus I just LOVE that doll. She's just a dream doll for me.

So getting these offers from her is kind of annoying and rude but otherwise she's a very nice person so I just treat her nicely and refuse.

But I hate it honestly. If the doll isn't in the Marketplace or bring auctioned then it's just NOT for sale...

 

This is heartwarming. You are a good friend.

 

So I've definitely been on both sides of this question. When I was a newbie, I fell in love with a doll I saw on here and innocently asked the owner where they bought their doll, how much would it go for, would they be willing to sell it, and all that. Luckily, the owner realized I was a newbie and kindly informed me that it was this super limited edition doll that was no longer available and was fully customized by them, gave me some nice tips for newbies about the BJD world, suggested I take some time look up the handy dandy Rules and Help/FAQS section for DoA, and cautioned me to be careful of albeit innocent questions that might get me banned as the next person might not be as nice as they are. Of course I felt horrified that I did such a newbie thing, but again...I was so young and innocent back then. I was really grateful that person was nice about it and I learned a lot from that initial message.

Then it happened to me and I was like, "Oh...whoa...so this is how it feels." I had purchased a sculpt that was done by a famous face-up artist at the time and this floating head already was popular on here for a hot minute. The sculpt was from a doll that was a limited edition doll from this company that didn't rerelease it ever again to my knowledge. It got known that I was the owner of this somewhat famous floating head and started getting offers for it. For the newbies that asked, I was kind and just said, "Oh no. It's not for sale. But here's information for the company and artist if you are interested in their products that are available" and also cautioned them about the dangers of asking people a little too aggressively about something in their collection and to refer to the DoA's Rules & Terms of Service.

Now, it's different when a newbie sends a message to me versus someone that is a seasoned BJD owner. When I get messages from someone that was a little too aggressive in wanting to purchase something from my collection and they have been in the hobby for a while, I do the nice "Oh no. It's not for sale and I'm not interested in selling any part of my collection. Thank you for expressing interest in it though. Good luck with your hunt!" kind of generic message. If they keep messaging me, which has happened, I ignore them or if worse case scenario will block and/or report them. I don't like to report people as I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. But when they get kind of stalkerish or send scary messages demanding I sell something from my collection, that needs to stop as no one should be bullied into selling any part of their collection if they have no interest in selling.

If this happens to you, just kind of gauge what kind of person the original sender of the message is. If it is a newbie, be nice, and create your own personalized rejection message but also still give them hope that maybe one day they will be able to find their Grail doll. If it is someone that should know better, up to you how you want to proceed, especially if it starts to escalate. If all else fails, message a moderator if you ever feel uncomfortable.

I think it should probably be said that if someone isn't selling something, don't ask to buy their doll or something from their collection. Hobby etiquette, right? Check first if they have a For Sale or WTB/WTT. But do not ask if you've been just stalking their dolly collection list or months or saw they posted a picture of their doll. It's a more sure thing to just search the dolly Marketplace for your desired object first than randomly messaging doll owners that you know they have a certain doll in their collection.

 

It's annoying, but it's not that big of a deal if they ask nicely and leave you alone after the first time. Sure the social etiquette is a bit weak and I've always been confused about why people ask about dolls the owner hasn't even mentioned not liking, but it's whatever. Definitely not something to get rude over in any case!

 

It doesn't bother me at all because I think that asking is the right and polite thing to do. Of course, it's annoying if it happens a lot, but it's a question easy to turn down. I've had it happen to me not with a doll, but with another collector's item. All I said is that if I ever sold it, I would keep the person in mind. The question did take me by surprise, though, but I can understand the desperation that makes people ask in the first place.

Naturally, it's a whole different thing if they ask rudely or in a demanding fashion, but I'm gonna busy myself with theoretical scenarios until they happen to me.

 

I never mind it at all. I like to have backup buyers if I one day want to sell a doll. I just reply and let them know I will keep them in mind if the time comes.

 

This hasn’t happened to me and, tbh, I’d be surprised if anyone asked to buy one of my dolls.They a bit tough to get, but not rare, full sets or even popular sculpts.

As a career admin professional for 30+ years, I interact with all manner of random people, from all walks of life every day. Nowadays office dress is mostly casual (depends on the industry) and you don’t know if you’re talking to the janitor or CEO.

It probably sounds old fashioned but I find it’s simpler to be polite to everyone and assume good intent (until they prove otherwise). If it happened, I would treat them way I treat everyone I come across: thanks for asking. My doll is not for sale. Have a nice day.

 

I might actually accept a good, albeit random, offer depending on the doll and if they're polite

It seems like a very newbie thing to do so I can't fault someone if they're at least being nice. I can definitely see how getting asked would be annoying though, especially if it's curt or rude. I see this in the comment section on Youtube for Dollfie Dream artists all the time and get secondhand embarrassment.

 

It has happened before once, but the person who reached out to me was very polite about it and when I declined they accepted the answer and that was that. It didn't bother me at all.

I think the only way I would be offended if if they were pushy or didn't accept a refusal to sell. But I wouldn't be offended that they asked, I would be offended about their lack of manners.

 

It wouldn’t offend me if the person asking was polite about it. I would just let them know that the doll in question is not for sale and that I have no plans of selling them. If the person kept pushing afterwards, I would be annoyed that they ignored my refusal.

 

Something that has happened to me quite a number of times, not quite the scenario in the first post, but similar enough...

It's always been people who aren't in this hobby at all who have been the ones telling me I should sell my dolls. It usually goes something like this: we have a brief conversation about hobbies, I mention dolls, maybe show a few pictures. They ask me how much they are (not out of interest in owning one themselves) and I tell them what the ranges tend to be. This is met with "you should sell your dolls." A little more in depth than that, but you get the idea. This actually really really really pisses me off, because to me it comes off as "I don't like your hobby and you should get rid of it." It's so rude.

So with that, I think my initial reaction to someone asking me if I would sell a doll I've had for a long time would be negative, but I know that's a bit of a knee jerk reaction though, because of the scenario mentioned above. When I think about it more though, if it was someone within the hobby and they were being polite, I don't actually have a problem with the idea of being asked this. The likelihood I'd ever sell a doll I've loved a long time is insanely low, but if I did ever have to or want to, I would keep that person in mind most likely.

 

Recently, someone wanted to buy my Roux on Insta. All they said to me was (and I quote): "Will you sell me your Vivien?" Just this!
I looked at the person's profile and decided that it looked like a fake and everything screamed: the recaster!
I've never had a problem with a normal and polite doll collector saying: "I like your doll, if you're selling it, please tell me about it." It's ok for me.

And in the community in my country, a collector even got a response from someone outside the community - "that's a nice doll, will you give it to me?"

 

This happened to me many years ago on this forum someone sent me a DM asking if one of my dolls was for sale I just politely say no she wasnt for sale and didn't think anything of it. But then a month later the same person sent me another message asking again, and again I politely told her no she isn't for sale still but inside my head I was like she wasn't for sale the first time and she still isn't for sale now cheeky sod.

 

ooops already answered. newbie but oldie

 

i would take it as a compliment but kindly decline

 

if someone approached me and asked me to sell one of my dolls to them-- to be completely honest? i'd find it incredibly off-putting and irritating. i would keep my answer very short and simple ("no, my dolls are not for sale") but if there was any further attempt to ask after that "no" i'd be blocking the asker.

 

I'd only get upset if they didn't take no for an answer and kept pushing me about it. That's one of my pet peeves anyway, when someone won't take no for an answer. But no, I'd tell them "Sorry, but xxxx isn't for sale. If I change my mind I'll let you know." Then I'd hope they accept that.

 

WHAT!? I would not be offended)
I would be happy to see others like my doll, too.

Of course, there are cases when someone might be too aggressive and "forcing", but that never happened with me.

 

I wouldn't be immediately offended as long as the approach is right and a "no" response is quickly and politely accepted I'm of the mindset that almost anything is for sale for the right price, but the key words here are for the right price.

If it's something discontinued and I love it, you're going to have to make me an offer I can't refuse, so the original sale price (or gods forbid, lower than original price) is definitely not going to be enough. If I was apathetic enough about that doll to want to sell at the original price, I would probably be doing so already on the proper channels.

That said, you probably wouldn't have good luck asking me this type of question if it's about a doll that I've clearly shelled as an original character, which would be my own intellectual property. I'm open to discuss company full sets or blanks, or maybe a doll I customized for practice or fun (who doesn't have a solid "character" yet), but prepare to get shut down pretty hard if it's an OC, especially one that existed long before I customized a doll to look like them.

 

im pretty sure most people consider it rude when someone asks if you would sell a doll you own, ive seen a couple doll owners complain about it. that type of things is also a big problem in the lolita comm and is considered very rude too 'i saw you won this auction would you sell the item to me?' or ' i see you own xyz print will you sell it to me' messages are very frowned upon and im guessing ins not too different in doll spaces, i know i would be offended if someone tried to buy a doll i own and have not posted about selling

 

I don't think I would be offended per se, but I also think it depends a bit on the context. But generally I'd say it woudn't offend me if they approached me respectfully. Maybe just "Hey I noticed you had (doll), are you interested in selling them?" I think anyone who tried would be disappointed because I'm highly unlikely to sell any of them... but I would also be very surprised if anyone wanted most of my dolls because I have a knack for being interested in unpopular sculpts. (And I think there are enough Unoas floating around that no one's going to be asking for mine.)

If someone came to me basically demanding I sell a doll, or begging me, though... offended isn't quite the word, but it would bother me.

 

I’d actually be very flattered! It would make me feel good knowing that someone thought that my doll was cute enough to ask me to buy it. I’d probably just point them in the direction of where/who I bought it from rather than actually selling it, though.

 

It personally wouldn't bother me, unless the person is still adamant after a no. I'd be more offended if someone asked me that about a pet (happened to a friend once when she took her dog out to a park.)

 

I am offended when messaged by someone asking to buy something that I am not selling. I am not a store or a dealership. I’m a hobbyist and this is my hobby. I think it’s quite rude to assume other people’s things are available for sale when it hasn’t been expressly stated.

 

Personally, I think it would depend on how I was approached and the wording used. In my close friend group we will sometimes call 'dibs' on each others dolls, and I like knowing that if I ever end up wanting to rehome a doll, if a friend had called 'dibs' I let them know first. However, I wouldn't want random strangers DM'ing me calling dibs on my dolls.

That said, I wouldn't be offended if someone messaged me saying that they love a doll I have and IF I ever had thoughts of selling them, they'd be interested. So long as it was respectful with no expectations attached, I think that's ok. Still better to just keep an active WTB thread up, as I always check those first before listing a doll.