Being trans + collecting dolls

I completely understand that problem.
Especially as ftm you want to be accepted and recognized as a man, so you feal the urge to fullfill certain stereotypical gender interests/hobbies.
The thing is (and I had to learn that too over the years) that typical male or female hobbies or preferences are nothing but formed by society. And it makes so many people feel bad to think out of that box.
They don't want to be less of a woman or less of a man so they adapt it.
But humans have more variety.
It's completely normal for men to like pink things, pink doesn't belong to girls only, it's okay to wear make up, and it's also fine to play dolls.
Even if you were a straight cis man I would say the same to you. It will not make you less of a man if you love sewing or playing with dolls. So I can only encourage you to engange with what you love no matter what anyone might think about it. Just have fun!

 

And people might raise an eyebrow and they might talk... But the whole trans thing is something they will not understand as cis people and same goes for the doll hobby (that's probably even more creepy for them because of trans people they at least have heard ) Many people don't get things into their heads that sound too absurd in their easy black and white mentality. Those people can unfortunately also be members of your family or closer friends. But it should not irritate you because in the end even if they frown they'd frowned anyways. And it doesn't change you or the things you like.

 

Hi, I can't comment on the trans aspect, but I did have a somewhat similar situation.

I'm autistic, with mental health struggles and most of my non family socialization was at school/uni during classes. I never spoke about my dolls there, because I can pass as neurotypical if I really try and honestly due to past bullying didn't want my unusual interest to make me the weird one again. My immediate family knew though they thought it was a strange phase I'd grow out of. It was not, and while they were tolerant at the start it... grated on them a bit about the depth of my involvement. They thought it took away from actual in person friendships. Family outside of parents/siblings were supportive of my hobby, but then they didn't know how much it is a part of my life becuase I deliberately toned it down.

What I will say is that different social circles have different dynamics. It is perfectly normal in my opinion for part of you to want to stay in a safe zone. It's a balancing act at times between being yourself or potentially changing the status quo. And that's something only you can navigate.

But no matter what, as DeanDynamite said, you are no less of a man for liking dolls.

 

Being a man in the doll community, I don't think I've ever seen or experienced any "gatekeeping" for ones gender. The closest you'll get is how the majority assumes you are a girl by default. I hope that is getting phased out more and more...

I think that if you just own it, people outside of the hobby will respect it/you (if they aren't an a-hole anyway). I guess I'm basically saying "don't care about what others think" though... Which is easier said than done.

 

I’m NB and collect dolls and I totally get it!
I kinda use it as a way to appreciate more “”””feminine””””” things without applying it to myself. That’s how I think about it anyways.

Any reason you collect dolls, no one has the right to judge, regardless of your gender, but I totally get where the fear comes from. I hate to make this thread sound like a broken record, but it really doesn’t matter what other people think. You know you’re a man who likes dolls, and so should anyone that is worth being friends with.

 

I know cis and trans men in the hobby, some of the trans ones I knew long before they transitioned actually. At least community wise there never really seemed to be an issue. I'd say BJDs as a hobby and community is overall pretty liberal for dolls, because the age average is lower here than with Barbie, Tonner or Blythe for example. Only the mentioned "assume female first" thing never really stopped. Just like how in other communities people assume male first It's just statistics/lived experience for many, not malicious.

However, in terms of "passing" or simply not wanting to be questioned for being a trans man that collects dolls outside of the community...it's still difficult. I think it did get easier, because nowadays there's less and less talk about how "you need to be hyper masculine/aggressively work on passing by being very stereotypically cis male appearing", and an overall attempt to soften these rigid stereotypes for everyone, no matter if they're cis or trans. But a lot of people still raise their eyebrows or will tell you that you're not "manly enough".

As it is, you'll never be able to fully please everyone. But I also think it doesn't matter. There are many straight and non-straight cis men that enjoy collecting dolls, so why should that not be an option for you too? Besides, it's just ridiculous to expect people to just let go of things they enjoyed before just because they transitioned. What does your gender have to do with the fact you like X? Screw that, do your thing

 

I've been gender questioning, which quickly loops into questioning my gender expression. "How can I tell I'm my chosen gender? I do this and that... Oh wait." I can't tell what qualifies as feminine/masculine/unisex/etc.

For example, I don't know where collecting and customizing BJDs falls. As @Yumeiro said, there's an assumption collectors are female. There are also collectors who focus heavily or only on male dolls, and customizers who take trips to hardware stores for customizing supplies. Does that make the hobby masculine? I have no idea.

In the middle of all these questions, I return to where I started expression wise. I may not know where I sit, but I like what I like and have no desire to change that to satisfy others.

 

I'm a trans guy that collects bjds. I've been on testosterone for a year, semi-passing if it helps with understanding but honestly it doesn't matter to me personally whether I'm passing or not. My friends are all very accepting, my immediate family views me as a weird confused girl, and I'm not out to the rest of my family so they don't particularly know or care.

I understand the pressure to fit neatly into the stereotypical masculine box as someone who is transmasc but at the end of the day the question is whether you're happy with what you're doing and where you're at. You shouldn't suppress parts of yourself to be seen as more "normal" or typical to others, that's kind of counterintuitive to the entirety of existing as a trans person.

I haven't personally seen any transphobia or even homophobia in the hobby but that might just be my cozy curated corner of it. I came out to my doll friends, all shifted pronouns and name for me immediately with no slip-ups.

Something I've come to realize in my personal experience is that everyday cis people cannot and will never truly understand the concept of being trans as a whole as it's so far from their lived experience that it's hard for them to grasp. The most you can truly expect of people is to use your proper name and pronouns, their view of you is internal and is not something you can change. If they don't view you as a man, I don't think your interests would have enough influence to be able to change that opinion of theirs.

tl;dr: be you, be happy, other peoples opinions are their own issue and have no reflection on you as a person or your (this word is hella overplayed) validity in your gender.

i hope that didn't come across as like judgy or condescending, i don't mean it that way at all, just neurodivergent and not sure how to best convey tone in messages like this ;u; feel free to dm me if you want to connect more on this issue! trans people got to stick together.

 

The hunger to be understood is a fast track to existential pain :,)

I came out as trans during my hiatus from doll hobby, but people in my other hobbies got real weird about it (especially in cosplay; "what do you mean we have to eat the reverse-tr*p jokes we made at your expense" etc) and I am currently in Japanese Patriarchy Hell where when I go to the fabric store everybody acts like I'm there to do sex crimes.
The right people will get it, though. When I was in New York City, I'd sometimes show other creative people what I was working on and would get a positive reception--but think the trim stores that cater to drag queens and carnival, not the mainstream fashion industry types. You can't expect all things to have the same symbolic meaning to all people. Some people will always see dolls as feminine the same way others will always see dolls as children's toys.

 

Wholeheartedly and unapologetically owning one's interests is absolute chad behaviour. You're a man because you say you are. Nothing can take that power away from you. Yeah, you like dolls. What of it?
Levity aside, I think it's good to normalize behaving with 100% confidence and chill about these things so that people can learn to behave similarly about it. It should be normal that your interests have no bearing on how "real" of a gender you are, and the more we act like that is common sense, the more it will become common sense to others.

 

Seconding what everyone else said, it's not your job to conform to others perception of you. A hobby has no standing on your gender presentation, all that matters is that it makes you happy. I think that part tends to trip people outside of the hobby the most.

I've transitioned quite a bit after joining the hobby so there were some strange reactions at first, especially from family. It shocked them mostly because they had every stereotypical notions about it and thought it was going to turn me into some caricature of femininity, but they changed their tune with time, sometimes that's all they need to realise that you won't drop something you enjoy because of some old stereotypes.

 

One of the nice things about this hobby was it allows for exploring gender expression through the dolls. I came out as trans masculine after a lot of soul-searching in the form of "I deeply relate to this doll and what he represents to me" and it was really liberating. Most of my dolls are male shaped or masculine presenting so I feel pretty safe exploring the whole gamut of masculinity on them before I try it on myself. I also say this as a person who still unfortunately presents as stereotypically feminine and femme so it is very disorienting for me to be doing a doll-thing outdoors with a male doll and have a well-meaning person congratulate me on my beautiful Barbie girl. They don't mean to misgender me (or my boys) but it is weird and a little distressing nonetheless. That's the one part of being trans in the hobby that bothers me, and its a personal thing I'm working through.

 

I don't think I should write my whole lifestory related to my gender dysphoria and how it came to be, it would take too long

But I probably subconsciously have been drawn towards a lot of things throughout my life because I were transgender. Dolls were one of those things. In the beginning of my hobby I choose a male doll, and he were paired up with a boyfriend. And throughout my doll hobby came a long line of male doll couples. I always felt more drawn towards the male dolls for some reason, but I never really thought about why, earlier!

Dolls weren't the beginning of things though. I had many things I related to more and made me feel right and good about myself since I were little. Role-palying as male characters from TV In my early elementary school years for example. Drawing Shounen Ai characters in some of my teenage years. Gaming as a male character through life simulators like "The Sims" in my early 20s and up to now. Some of those male Sims characters represented myself and some were male characters I just made up. And they all had boyfriends that I created for them. I didn't realize I probably had some dysphoria like symptoms when I were younger, but it weren't enough for me to take notice of at the time. It weren't until my early 30s when I ended up getting a fully blown gender dysphoria, I'm 38 now and even more dysphoric now than when it first blew up! When the gender dyshoria decided to fully let itself get known, I started to question my gender and wondering what were going on!

My dolls have long been a coping mechanism though. I realized in the end I've been living through them, same as I did with my Sims characters.

 

I've been thinking about that exact thing a lot recently! My identity can best be described as "questioning", but stuff like making OCs and collecting off-topic dolls (specifically 1/6 scale action figures of all things LOL) really got the gears turning in my head thinking about how strongly I see myself in my handsome boy OCs and handsome boy action figures rather than any girls, and placing my first order on a BJD (a 1/4 scale Withdoll boy) really kicked it into high gear. I feel like a hobby like this that has so much emphasis on customization, it really is the perfect place for exploring stuff like this.

 

What I find works for myself is to look at the doll as a shape rather than "This female doll with highly feminine traits like hourglass figure, large breasts and small bum" vs "This male doll with big muscles, washboard abs and fifty penis attachments" because then I'm not triggered or feel the dysphoria as hard. Because if a doll has a female shape, she can still wear male clothing and accessories and vice versa, a boy can wear girly things. Because they are just shapes to put the expression on top of, and their shapes and expression don't define them (any more than my shape defines me).

 

There are going to be negative stereotypes for everyone regarding doll collecting, and gendered notions do compound it. If you are trans and wondering how the "average normie" might judge your involvement in BJDs, I'd say it depends on whether you pass or not. If you don't, then you'll get the female stereotypes. My experience is that for women, doll collecting can be seen as childish, something that you should have outgrown. (A parallel to how some older people believe that boys should "outgrow" videogames when they become men).

If you do pass, then you'll get the male stereotypes, which are worse. The most common assumption would be that you're gay. But if you're a straight man collecting dolls, then you're a pervert / have something wrong with you.

And, of course, every single person collecting BJDs regardless of gender gets hit with the normie catch all: CREEPY!

 

I don't see anything wrong with it collecting dolls. I'm a straight man I I love the artwork of the BJD dolls and I have three lovely ones and planning on getting a few more ..I love getting online for hours looking for outfits for my ladies.

 

NB trans masc here, i been on low dose T for like 5 years and dont exactly "pass" but from my experience that doesn't matter much in the bjd collecting space...i do feel a bit frustrated that most of my hobbies such as crocheting and doll collecting are considered "feminine" as I believe any gender can have whatever hobby but thats not a common view. the great thing ive found with bjds is the pure expression one can achieve with them, its a great way of exploring gender and presentation or at least it has been for me.

 

I can't really speak on the trans aspect but I just want you to know, you don't have to be ashamed of being yourself. I know it's a scary thing sharing parts of who you are to others because there's so many judgemental people in this world, but those who really care for you won't mind what you identify as or what your hobbies are. They love you because you are you! Not because of your gender or because you play with dolls!

 

Ah this was such a nice thread to read through, seeing everyone being so affirming and supportive and talking about their own experiences!

I am a genderqueer, trans-masc, nonbinary individual myself. I've had my own journey through gender and dysphoria and all of that fun, confusing stuff. What I can say is that, as others have mentioned, what you do does not need to reflect on your gender.
"Gender norms"/"Gender binary"/etc is a social construct. Our society builds lists and boxes and then tries to make sure everyone fits into them, and it's entirely arbitrary and made up lol. Real life, not just humans either, is INCREDIBLY varied and complex and a binary system does not apply to the vast majority of it, regardless of how badly some people wish it were so.

When I first came out as nonbinary, knowing I was more 'masculine' at heart than my lil AFAB body would seem, I leaned very heavily into more masculine presentation and things. But I quickly realized that wasn't making me happy, and over the years I've learned a lot and settled into myself and now I'm comfortable being me and I have no desire to conform to other's ideas of gender. I will never 'pass' as male and I don't want to, I actually like 'feminine' things too much to even try!
But to me it's really funny to think of things as being 'for girls' and 'for boys' because they are, inherently, just objects. Dolls are objects! Makeup is just a thing! Colors are colors (and pink used to be 'for boys' in the past so again, everything is made up and none of it matters lol)!

That said societal pressure IS a thing, and you should always do what both makes you happiest but also keeps you safest. Share your hobby with those who deserve to know you, be your authentic self but don't feel obligated to put yourself out there among people you know will seek to abuse you for it in some way.

 

This is really nice to see so many supportive comments here! Reading through them makes me feel a lot better about myself and I hope it also does for everyone else who is also doubting.

As someone who recently came out as Transmasc Nonbinary and still somewhat questioning my gender, albiet being online only, it really does reassure me that I can still enjoy things that are considered "feminine" hobbies, because I love them. No one should tell you otherwise what you can or can't enjoy because of who you are! There are plenty of men who enjoy things that are considered feminine and are happy with it.

In the end you are still a Man who just like collecting dolls. I hope others will be more understanding in the future and don't care what people enjoy in their time.

 

As a NB trans masc I understand that frustration. You don’t want people around you to question your identity, become confused with you or to view you differently just because of the hobbies you have. You don’t want to feel anxious as a result either.
I love crafting and making miniature stuff, love dolls, cute things in general, but often do not talk about it as I feel that it might change people’s perception of me. Sometimes I become self-conscious when discussing the stuff that I enjoy with others.
But the truth is - people are allowed to enjoy whatever they want! Even if we feel pressure to conform to societal stereotypes, life becomes richer when you simply allow yourself to experience it in a way that is authentic to you.
I also believe that hobbies like ours can actually help us with expressing ourselves even more. I personally do art as well, so I often find myself creating characters that kind of help me to express my gender identity and/or sexuality through them, their self-presentation and their stories. I recently started an OOAK for one of my OCs and felt euphoric beyond imaginable. There is something calming it having an embodiment of your deepest feelings right in front of you, represented in a doll.
Creative hobbies are the best for self-expression and the BJD hobby is certainly one of them.

 

Trans guy, and honestly, like... looking back on my whole doll collecting history kind of makes it clear long before I knew. I said I wanted a doll that could dress like I wished I could... thinking about trying different outlandish fashion styles, or small-scale cosplay.

I bought Vince. 90% of the time he wears a lot of jewelry... with his shorts and his superhero tee shirts.

Then I bought Pete and Billy. The first girl doll I got isn't even for fashion purposes, she can only wear tops as a centaur. And then two more boys before I ever got a girl who could wear girly-girl things (and who mostly doesn't, tbh-- I actually plan on getting a male doll who will represent the same character)... and yet another guy before I got a girl who WILL wear girly-girl things.

 

I’m a trans guy and while I’m not the most feminine presenting I have very feminine hobbies. I’ve always been interested in fashion and dolls and I’ve been pretty open with the people around me about what I like. I think that your friends will definitely be okay with it, at the end of the day it is a hobby, even if it’s seen as something traditionally feminine. As long as you are happy with what you do your friends won’t mind. My friends and family are all very aware of my doll obsession but still respect my gender. Just because you have interests that are feminine it doesn’t make you a girl. Gender is complex and you shouldn’t feel discouraged from hobbies just because of their social connotations. Sorry this was kind of rambling with no point, but if someone loves you they will accept you and all your quirks regardless.!

 

i’m a nonbinary trans guy myself, and all my friends i’m out to also know about my dolls, even the ones who don’t collect them. i guess i do have overall “feminine” hobbies but so far no one has even mentioned it or paid mind to it. they all seem very understanding that these are hobbies i’ve enjoyed for years and have no gender in my eyes or theirs. i’ve found that at least the people i care to associate with will respect any creative hobby as just an act of fun and expression regardless of stereotypes

 

This is actually one of the most important things dolls did for me. Dolls let me express feminine qualities in a way that's 100% the way I need it to be. I thought I was maybe MTF trans, but doing MTF trans stuff never felt right to me. When I play with my dolly ladies, it actually feels right. It's exactly the outlet I needed to explore what I was feeling, and I've become more comfortable in my otherwise typical heteronormative male attributes that I do have. Cis straight, as I think the kids would say.

Yeah, this isn't a post about being me trans in the hobby, but I thought that this quote was particularly meaningful.

(And my avatar is probably female at the time you're reading this. I guess it's another bit of dolly dress-up sort of thinking that helps me explore gender expression.)