What to do when your parents don't "like" your dolls?

Oh, I hope your dad likes your doll soon - maybe he need more time? I think to talk to your dad should help in this situation. Explain that the dolls are okay for adults, and they are kind of art too ^^ I don't have problems with my parents - they support my hobby ^^

 

From a parent's point of view, I'd rather not be bothered with something my kid likes, but I don't. As long as it stays out of my sight, fine (that is, when it's been bought already and I can't change anything about it anyway). So maybe try not to force it on him. From a daughter's point of view, I do not live at my parents' but I know neither really understands why I need those dolls, and they wouldn't agree if asked. So what I do is I just don't mention it to them. If I had to get into an argument I'd point out how and why they are worth the money, and that I try being creative through them. Keep your cool MadMisery, I'm sure you're going to stay on top of this!

 

Yeah same. My parents don't mind, but my dad dislikes how expensive they are.
I think I would explain the different aspects of the hobby and how they can help you grow as a artist, seamstress, photographer, etc. If they understand that the doll really means something to you and is a way to show another talent (because the hobby really has a lot of connecting hobbies) then I think they should respect that.
I'd also give an example of one of their expensive things they've bought and ask if it didn't mean anything to them. But lol, that's just me and I wouldn't want you to get in trouble.

 

My mom thinks that they're "baby toys" and doesn't care for them, but I don't care. As long as I pay my bills and a portion of the house bills she isn't really fussed. As it is, I didn't even tell her I bought another one for my birthday or have two on layaway now. I think she would like them if they made me money some kind of way.

 

I'm very lucky to come from a family of artists. Both my parents love my dolls. My mom helps me to make photoshoots and is awesome with wig styling. If my parents didn't like them they could seriously kiss my butt. I'm 27 years old and pay my way so what I do with my money isn't their business.

 

Knowing that my dad is a thrifty guy, I'm sure he has his... Opinions about my expensive hobby. But luckily I don't mention it to him and he doesn't comment on what little he sees of them. It works out that way. My grandmother has made her one or two 'they're so expensive' comments, but then I remember that she was the one who bought me porcelain dolls when I was a kid and I shrug it off, haha. At the end of the day, my bills get paid and what I do with the remainder of my money is my business. At this point in my life, there are much worse things I could be doing with it, and I think they realize that.

 

I don't think my parents even know I have dolls, lol. They don't know where I live, either, so...Yeah.

Honestly, if they didn't like my dolls, I wouldn't care. It's my life and my money, and none of their business what I do with either.

 

I wasn't allowed to have a BJD while still living with my parents, and my mom was on my bank account, so I really couldn't just buy one. She basically told me if I could afford to spend hundreds of dollars on dolls, then I could afford my own place to live. >.> So I didn't get mine until I was on my own, but they still think I spend too much on them. However, as long as my bills are paid and I'm not asking them for any money at all, they can't say a thing about it. They've started to come around a lot more. My mom helps pose them and sews beds and blankets and sometimes clothes for them. My dad has built some furniture and props for them. But they still think they aren't worth the money. We mostly just avoid that topic.

 

Honestly, my father doesn't know I have any of the dolls I've collected, because I refuse to speak to him about any of my hobbies. Mom is accepting, but Dad would pull the whole "you're regressing" BS on me. Because apparently, delicate dolls with interchangeable body parts and molded-in genitals are for little kids now. :/

 

Then if you have no other bills and you've paid for your doll with your own earned or gifted money that you saved up, I think that shows that you're responsible enough to earn nice things for yourself, and I wouldn't worry too much about what they say. It takes a lot of discipline to save that much, research and order on your own. If they say anything, I would just point out that it was your money, you didn't ask them to help or buy it for you, and it wasn't money specifically saved or something else. Also, lots of teens are spending that much or more over time on going out for coffee or to the movies or partying, and when their money is gone, they have nothing to show for it. You do. And should you ever want, you can likely get most of it back when you sell. They can't.

 

I suppose it all depends on the circumstances. If they're expecting to save so you can move out one day or help out with the bills, then I can see why they might get annoyed. But if you have that part covered, there really isn't anything to criticize you about. I would still be careful to not keep the doll in plain sight where it might bring up unnecessary feelings and conversations.

 

I ordered my first doll a few months ago and I'm nervous about the same thing! I didn't mention it to my parents because i figured my money, my deal, but its going to be pretty hard to miss once it arrives. Hopefully they will understand if I explain that its for artistic purposes.

 

Sometimes the best thing you can do is just agree not to talk about it. Neither of my parents are really interested or understand why I enjoy collecting. For a while when I first told them about it I got some complaints about the costs, but it was all money I earned by working so it wasn't really their business. I also pointed out expensive aspects of their hobbies (season tickets for sports teams/musical theater and specialized welding or metal-working tools) which was a BIG part of what got them to stop. When I lived with them the dolls stayed in my room (often in their boxes, but that was a lack of good display space issue) so it usually was an out of sight, out of mind thing.

 

I think things like that can be avoided if you explain what they are in a away that might help justify the high price tag. I told my parents that these dolls have all been crafted by artists and the end product, all the work and effort that both the sculptor and yourself put into the doll makes it more of an art piece than anything else. Is it unrealistic to spend upwards of five hundred dollars on an art piece? In my opinion, absolutely not. I think that most people can respect that they are works of art and the skill that had to go into making each doll really justifies how much you spend on them. And that's not even really touching on the HOBBY aspect of BJDs. A hobby is something that everyone needs. If this is your hobby then you are getting so much more out of this doll than just having it as a piece of art. So far everyone who I have explained BJDs to in this way has accepted the explanation and moved on. Not many people argue when you pull the 'art' card.

 

When I got my first doll my parents were a little startled at the price. They still think it's super expensive, but seeing as 3 out of their 4 kids are into BJD, they can hardly say it's weird or anything XD 50% of my family collects BJD
I've begun to try showing them the dolls when I've done new faceups to show them that I actually do stuff with them, and that they are not just something you buy, but something you can have lots of fun with. And they've seen how it has brought me and my sisters closer together, so in the end they are just accepting it. They do get a funny look when I show them my dolls, but mostly because they don't really know about them and don't know what to respond when I go all fangirl-ish XD'

 

I wouldn't care, but I am 22 lol

I can only assume you're underage so... Our parents come from a different generation and unless you're super rich then your parents probably never owned something so expensive when they were your age. I suppose if they thought you were responsible enough to own a credit card to purchase the doll without them knowing they really don't have a say now haha

Not to mention bjds did not exist when they were your age xD

 

My father hates them. He believes they are an absolute waste of time, space, and money. I have come ignore his opinions.

 

Your mom sounds like my mom LOL. She asked me one weekend what I was doing and I told her I was photographing my dolls, and she laughed and said "Maybe I should get out my crayons!" It wasn't very funny to me, but I just let it go. I don't think she means to hurt my feelings, and she admits that she doesn't understand why I would ever collect things. To each their own. I live on my own now, but when I did live at home I kept my BJDs in their boxes in my room. I'd take them out and play with them with my door shut because my parents have dogs and I didn't want them to bother my dolls, so she never saw them anyways.

 

They think most of mine are weird (since I love all the fantasy-type and anthros) but mum is fine with it since she can see it's something I enjoy doing and that I'm not buying 100 of them a week and did wish I bought more human ones lol

 

I don't live at home, haven't lived at home for ages, and was well-past moved out when I first discovered the hobby. That said, my stepmother collects Mme Alexander dolls herself, so she has no problem with the hobby at all, other than identifying male dolls when I bring one around where she can see it. (Her Mme Alexanders are all little girls, with basically the same face, so I suspect it's more a matter of not registering there might be male options than of honestly misgendering them.) My dad doesn't really care at all, since I am an adult and am spending my own money on them, and I'm clearly not having trouble managing my living expenses so he can't frown on my hobbies.

Had I started at home, it's very likely they wouldn't have minded too much, as long as I paid for them myself. I always had a collection of fragile "curio" figures around, starting from when I was a very small child, and was good at handling delicate objects. It might've been a tough sell on the prices, and I'm sure I wouldn't have had any of the Sooms or FairyLands I have right now, but it's possible that, with the right marketing of the hobby, I could have convinced them to go along with it back then. There's no one "right" or "wrong" way to approach it, however; it's all about what works best with your own parents. But I really do think my mom would have loved them, and my dad probably would have gone with the same general disinterest he has now.

(Of course, that's ignoring the fact that the hobby literally didn't exist when I was still living at home and a minor.)

 

My parents pretty much don't care. They think I am crazy for having such an expensive hobby but they actually like Reito. And I guess they'll like all my future dolls as well. Hopefully.
And even if they hadn't liked Reito and won't like my future dolls I wouldn't care much. It's my hobby and it makes me happy~ And that's the most important thing I guess, that I do something that makes me happy, no matter what others think about it~

 

I don't live with my mom, but it makes me a bit sad that my she dislikes them because we normally get to share a lot of our different projects. We both love all kinds of meduims and usually talk alot about our current projects. Unfortunately she really dislikes the way the joints on BJD look. She loves my other art dolls but said BJD look like "chopped up people" D:
Unlike a lot of parents, her issue is aesthetics and not money. T^T

 

I also started in this hobby at 15, and actually my Dad bought me my first BJD as a gift. So my parents didn't mind too much. Although when I wanted more, he put his foot down and told me I'd have to buy the rest myself. XD

Which, by the way, I did when I was old enough to do so. While my Dad doesn't seem to care one way or another, my Mom is now also in the hobby. I guess I'm pretty blessed. ^^;; Of course my Dad is the guy who collected comics, video games, and baseball cards...and my Mom still collects various things so I suppose it runs in the family.

That said, if I was in your situation, I just wouldn't mention it to them if I didn't absolutely have to. I think it's great that you're able to save up and buy BJDs yourself! It's better that you're spending money on BJDs that tend to hold value rather than some other stuff or something like drugs... Sometimes I think parents simply worry their children won't make it in the "adult world." I don't think they realize you're already on your way to making it on your own.

 

My parents hate how expensive they are, and my dad is really negative about them all the time. However, I am an adult and they know they can do little to influence me other wise. I just argue the point that "Would you rather I spend the money on alcohol/cigarettes/etc?" This is a hobby - dad spends quite a bit of money on all the hobby-based things he buys, so does my mum. I guess it's just because I was never into dolls as a kid.

 

Go on with my life, if I'm working and buying my dolls my parents don't any say so if you ask me.

 

My mum loves the dolls but can't get past the price tags but it isn't a problem. Dad doesn't know but he wouldn't be bothered by them I don't think

 

My parents view them as a pointless waste of money, but by this point we've been through so much with them lashing out when they don't understand something about me and it ending badly that I guess I'm a little lucky because I know they won't push the point, so I don't really have to worry too much about defending my getting into the hobby.
Life is short and stressful and complicated, having something uncomplicated that makes you happy is important. You're the only one who knows how these dolls make you feel and how important that is to you, so yours is the only opinion on the matter that holds any weight. Just so long as you're not neglecting other aspects of your life to feed this one, if it's not hurting anyone, no worries right?

 

Maybe showing your dad some of your doll photography and letting him know how happy it makes you will help. He may never really 'like' your doll but he might be more accepting when he knows how much joy it brings, and how it nurtures your creativity.

 

I do get some funny looks too. But mine are very open minded so i am sure they will get used to it. I always loved dollhouse and such cute little thing. I might get my Mum to saw some cushion to store my dolls very soon.

 

I remind myself that my parents have zero creativity or hobbies, and that my mom once said she doesn't even understand how anyone enjoys sci fi/fantasy. Their lack of imagination makes it easy for me to say my dolls' appeal probably just goes right over their head. Do wish they'd stop constantly reaffirming that I could "probably resell them to get money back eventually" though.

 

Pffttt....wouldnt be the first time they don't like something about me

 

when i got back into the hobby at the start of the year i bought two dolls(one from Iplehouse and one from Ringdoll) and my dad was not pleased,
he thought they where a waste of money and would end up just sitting on a shelf.
i couldn't even talk about the dolls in the same room as him with out him throwing a little hissy fit and making me feel bad about buying them.
though i think at first he was just very weary of me spending so much money on something that he though i bought on a whim/spur of the moment
and just acted out a little.
his opinion has drastically changed over the last few months and he now like's that they make me happy, that this hobby is another way
for me to be creative, and he actually enjoys listening to me talk about my dolls, the character they represent and the world they help me create.
he even bought me my Iplehouse Bliss Astrid.

what i find now is that i have to be honest with him about the dolls i'm buying and even when he said that Astrid should be the last doll I buy for a while
he has be a-ok with me buying another doll as i told him about it instead of just buying it and having to explain when it show up.
though he has been asking when i think i'll be done buying dolls and i gave him the very honest answer that their are only three more character i have to buy dolls for
but that might not be the end of my collection but i wont have to many that i can't name each off the top of my head

my mum on the other hand has always encouraged me in the hobby *cough*Enabler*cough* XD
she was the one that convinced me to get the two dolls at the same time instead of only buying the Iplehouse one
(though i kinda regret the Ringdoll Lucifer as i am still waiting for him)

 

Luckily I am old enough where my parents have no say in how I spend my money. But my parents do like my dolls.

 

If you're old enough to earn your own money then it's no one's say on what you spend your money on.

 

My parents are the same way. They already question my spendings on reptiles and now I'm into dolls... oh, jesus. But, as I sort of shyly mumbled to them, it's not their money that's being spent. I think that's an important point. If you're making your own money, no one has the right to tell you what to spend it on, so long as you're spending it on legal things. My parents thought the dolls are some weird second childhood phase, until I started explaining backstories to mom. The second she heard about the characters, she wrote it off as a crazy author thing, and decided it was harmless enough.

 

Hello! I was wondering if anyone else has run into this problem where their parents don't approve of them spending the money that they earned on BJDs? What did you do about it? Did you convince them, or ignore them and go about your merry doll-collecting? My dad doesn't particularly care, the main issue is with my mother. But, I've always had certain issues with her.

What would you do?

 

Depends if you're still dependent on your parent in some way (like living with them), if not, she can disapprove as much as she likes, it's none of her business.

If you are still dependent on them then it might be wise to downplay the dolls until you're more independent.

Teddy

 

My parents didn't approve due to the cost. When I lived with them, I simply couldn't be in the hobby. I think the only time parents should have any say-so on what you buy is if you're spending money on a hobby, but relying on them to pay your bills. That could come off as a lack of responsibility, or taking advantage of them, but if they have nothing to do with your finances, it's not their business what you do with your money. I've proven to my parents that I can afford to collect BJDs and still never have to ask them to cover anything for me, so they don't say much anymore. They still think the prices are too high, but have no argument now. My mom even really likes my Iplehouse boy!

 

Thank you for your comments. I currently live with my parents due to a medical illness, but other than that, I am completely independent and pay my own bills. Just for some clarification. ^^ Perhaps I will try and downplay the dolls for a while until I am living on my own again, which hopefully will be soon.

 

Assuming that you are living independently, as are long as you are paying your expenses and not letting your responsibilities slide, then it really isn't any of their business how you choose to spend your money. (And I do say that both as an independent adult and as a parent to a doll enthusiast.) If you are still living with your parents, then you may need to play it down somewhat, or show that you are thinking about the future. Maybe setting up an account where for every dollar you put toward a doll expense, you put a dollar in for savings.

That would certainly please me as a parent, to see that my child was thinking beyond the moment!

 

I would say as long as you have your bills paid and not going into credit debt for the hobby there shouldn't be too much to complain about, sure dolls might not be the first hobby parents think of re: their own kids but I would explain that aside from it being your money the BJD community is a great way to make friends, an expensive doll really teaches you about responsibility (which you definitely find out after spending an hour packing them for meets wrapping every little bit with paranoia haha), and definitely brings out your artistic side!

 

Well, my mom really disapproves. She thinks they're pretty, but she also says they're too expensive and a "waste of money," so I just kind of try to ignore her. I mean, I do try to explain to her that this is what I like and it's the money I'm earning and that it isn't hurting her pockets. I try to sugarcoat the "It's none of your business" as much as possible. I still live with my mother, I'm 19, but I still don't find it any of her business. We butt heads every now and then whenever the money subject comes up, but other than that../shrug

 

I lived with my disapproving grandparents for a while when I had already been independent for a couple of years. I was 22. But after a bad breakup and a financial dip I had to live there again on their terms. They had a belief that I should be spending every single minute on homework and every free penny on paying off my debts. Even buying new socks was forbidden. And seeing a friend every now and again was disapproved of, too.

Still, if you're an adult you have the right to make your own decisions. In my situation, they were extremely strict to things they knew of. It's absolutely not in my nature to sneak around but I did need some space. So, to keep my grandparents happy I paid off my debts, did my homework and tried to keep the social stuff down, but that didn't mean I did exactly as they said. I added a password to my computer so they couldn't check my history, bought something for myself every now and again that I delivered to my dad's house, and kept my doll hidden in a box somewhere. I took her out and crafted for her when I was alone.

The thing I want to say with this is, you don't owe your parents any explanation. If they openly disapprove of it, well, you don't have to keep your dolls in the open. Buy a tiny, deliver it to a friend and keep it in a box. Claim your space on your own terms if you can't claim it from them.

 

Yep. I simply sat down and talked to them about it when they brought it up in a negative light (there was no problem whatsoever when I started collecting and even when it was brought up it was more in a concerned manner as in 'don't you think this many dolls are enough, they're pretty expensive' rather 'don't spend you money on these stupid things'). I merely explained that they shouldn't worry, that I'm using my hobby money on them -not money I need to buy food, pay the rent, pay off my bills, etcetera- and that they're simply a thing that makes me happy and I work hard to save for them. That's all it really took to get them to understand why and how.

I think this is a really easy way for parents to understand that you're not just throwing your money away on 'random things'. Just show that you're dedicated and passionate about the hobby and that you're not mindlessly spending money on them and you should be just fine. Most of the time they're just worried that you're not managing your finances correctly.

 

I'd say just bide your time... Dolls will still be there when you're out on your own again and don't have to worry about your parents' opinions so much. In the meantime, you can still put aside "fun money" to finance your eventual purchases, look at sites, make design plans and all that. When the time finally does come, you'll know exactly what you want and you won't have to delay getting it.

 

It is hard when the person who is disapproving of something is family. My doll hobby hasn't been an issue with them (mainly because they don't know how much things cost and I don't live with them and haven't since I got into the hobby) but other things have caused issues of disapproval with them. How much I studied in school, going out with friends when I had a test the next week, little things like that (my dad is a college professor and boy does he get cranky about school!) With my mom it was the books I read and the music I listened too. I used to sneak books into the house (not kidding she thought I read to much!) and listen to music when she would go out.

I don't know how close you are to your parents or how strict they are of course, but try talking to them. If you approach it in a way that shows that you are looking at your finances and your dolly spending responsibly they might be persuaded to let it go. Or at least to back off a little.

You should do the things you enjoy, unless they are illegal or something, and you should be able to express yourself. If your parents don't agree with the dolls but have no say in your finances then it isn't their call. I agree with some of what has been said. Send dolls to a friends house and pick them up. Keep them out of sight and don't bring them up so much. Tell them your dolls are helping you cope with your medical problems (I hope you feel better). Before you know it you will be on your own and able to enjoy whatever hobbies you wish without question. Good luck!

 

Well, I have my own family, but my parents still approve my hobby. After all, my dad is heavily into music, and my mum paints. Both know that a creative outlet is a good thing, and that if you are really into a hobby, it can get expensive.

My hubby is fully supportive, too. He is into model railways, and such a tiny, nice model can easily cost as much as a BJD. We visited the manufactury of one of his favourite brands, and they demonstrated every single step of production. Now he appreciates his and my models even more, and does not complain about prices any longer (both model railway and BJDS are hand made, after all).

 

My mom is very supportive of my hobbies, to the point where I feel bad because I feel so spoiled. Like, I see people with parents who aren't happy with collecting dolls, or just having hobbies that require a whole lot of money and dedication and then... there's my mom LOL. I never asked money from her since I do have a part-time that pays well. I save money specifically for college(which she keeps) and the rest, she told me I'm free to spend it on anything I want. She was even the one who encouraged me to get my grail because "it's what makes me happy" and I should get it instead of just looking at it for months

The only problem she has with me is that I'm into too many things, so there's always new stuff in my room and tons of packages every month which bothers her a bit. Nonetheless, I'm happy she's letting me do what I want. Oh, and I'm still living with her which explains why I have no bills to pay, but I can see the situation changing when I'm finally on my own. Getting into BJDs honestly taught me to watch my spending habits hahaha

 

I am living with my father and he is totally neutral to my dolly hobby. He always ask about them, if I am waiting for an new one or if I made some new clothes to them ~ but thats all.
My grandmother seemed at first that she don't like my hobby. She was afraid about their value and asked me not to buy more. Then I told to her that my little dollies are my 'colleagues' and they helps me to fight against my depression. And well that is true so fortunately noone in my family looks at me strangely because of my dollies

 

My dad couldn't care less, but my mum worries about me spending large amounts of money. I know she means well, and all parents get worried when their child has "frivolous" hobbies, but it got kinda discouraging when she would get angry with me for wasting my money on dolls instead of putting the money away. I have my own place now though, so it's not too much of an issue anymore. I guess she was kinda right in the end though, I've had to put most of my dolls up for sale to pay bills and rent lol.

 

My parents don't approve especially since they know how much my dolls cost, but they are kind of used to it because I used to cosplay quite frequently. I'm glad they do not openly judge me for collecting dolls though! (They are probably used to me and my habit of collecting things)

 

I've never had an issue with a parent not liking my dolls. My mother, whose opinion was the only one that mattered other than my own, rather liked my first doll. She even got one for herself because she liked mine so much. She was the type who wouldn't mind the price if wasn't something you'd get bored with after a few months.

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My mom found it creepy at first but i convinced her that my doll can be cute. So she doesn'mind it after that. But the price is a bit shocking for her though. And i never show it to my dad. So i just keep it in my room. Or hide it when someone comes in my room

 

My mom also thinks I could spend the money better. Then again I don't drink alcohol or smoke, I don't go out to fancy clubs or have expensive hobbies except some conventions now and then. Eventually, my mom even bought me a doll or two as a present. The first one she payed back for my birthday, then she bought one as a graduation gift and now she bought me my last one for my birthday too. I think it helped I explained to her where I wanted to go with this (my limit of dolls). I didn't explain her they were charachters or so. I think she would find it weird. Only that I based them upon the Chinese elements, so she knew I had a limit set. So maybe that helps, setting a goal (altho I guess not many people in this hobby have a set goal of a limited amount).

I also promised my mom I would not buy expensive clothes for them and so. Each has one wig, one pair of eyes and I stick with those. I also practice on making the clothes myself (and thank god practice finally is paying off). I do buy them shoes, but I'm also learning how to make those now. So in the end I guess my mom tries to be understanding, since she can also see they are part of my creativity and that I try to spend a limited amount on them and nothing more. Making clothes and shoes myself really helps too, I guess!

 

My grandma doesn't like my dolls, at all. She hates them. My dad doesn't care says its good to have multiple hobbies. My boyfriend, tolerates it, sometimes buys me stuff for them. Mostly they just put up with it, my grandma sort of acts like it doesn't exist. lol