Overenthusiastic Mother

I think you might have to be pretty firm with her. I know you said that you've told her about their unique styles and stuff but you probably did it in a way that was "light" and wouldn't hurt her feelings. And I'm NOT saying you need to hurt her feelings, but I think a serious convo needs to happen. Something like: "Mom, I love that you're into my dolls but I would actually appreciate it if you didn't buy/make me things for them. I've created characters for them and I know what I want and I will get it myself." Something like that, but maybe worded differently so that it sounds a little nicer. The main thing is that you actually tell her to STOP.

You could also tell her what style your dolls have or what they like. Have her look for things that actually fit with your dolls and not just random cute stuff. Give her a goal.

Also, I would encourage her to get her own doll. Tell her that all of yours are taken care of and that she should get her own to love/dote on.

Hope this helped. My mom gets a little pushy when I'm taking photos of my dolls. "Over here. Have her pose with this! Do that, do this." So I kind of get it. I just politely told her that I "got it" and luckily, she took the hint.

Good luck!

 

Weeeell...I have only one suggestion: get your mom a doll. Clearly she loves styling them and shopping for them, but she doesn't quite 'get it' because she's living the BJD life vicariously through your dolls, when what she really needs is her own resin to enjoy. (She just hasn't figured that out yet...maybe because she thinks it's not dignified at her age, or whatever). Then the two of you will have something in common to enjoy and discuss - without invading each other's space. My daughter, who admittedly is a young teen and still lives at home, has loved BJDs since I first started gushing over them on websites, and now we each own several. We have our own likes and dislikes and different styles, and they frequently don't mesh, but that's okay because we still admire and oooo over each other's dolls. It's fun!

Just my two cents from an experienced mother/daughter perspective.

 

If it's in your budget maybe you could gift her a small doll. Or get a doll for yourself that you let her dress up? I don't think you sound ungrateful though, that sounds pretty frustrating. Just remember that it's out of love!

 

maybe encourage her to get a doll of her own that she could do what she wants with? it sounds like she's trying to get the experience of having one through you.

 

I think it's normal for you to be wanting your dolls in a certain way and not dress them as other people might tell you, even if one of those people is your mom. At this point I think you should be blunt and tell her how you like to dress your dolls. Also I think she should get a doll herself as others have suggested. Perhaps she is just happy to share this with you, I know my mom does that with Warcraft. But at some point you gotta say no and put up a stop sign. Just talk about how you feel and throw a few ideas at her if she had a doll of her own. Like taking photos of your dolls togheter whenever you get to see each other, or gift each other things that the other one can use for their dolls.

 

I also agree that you should get her her own doll if you can afford it. She might just feel funny about getting herself a doll or something like that. It sounds like she really wants to participate in the hobby herself so she's trying to do it through you. As far as having them sent to off for a faceup, I think you should guide her but let her take care of communicating what she wants so you don't end up feeling guilty or annoyed if it's not exactly what she wanted. I ordered a Doll Leaves recently and they don't offer custom faceups on their website but I emailed and requested it and it was one 10 USD more than the default. I don't know how it's turned out yet but that's always an option too to save potential aggravation. Whichever route you take, I hope you guy can happily share your hobby without being driven nuts by it

 

In additions to the suggestions of getting your mother a doll, perhaps you could redirect her enthusiasm for doll planning by encouraging her to collect her ideas and share them in an alternative medium, as opposed to when she talks to you.

I'm not really a Pinterest person, so I don't really know all you can do with it, but that seems a good fit. Flickr (which I use) similarly allows you to upload (up to a terabyte!) of photos and group them into albums (where I store my doll inspiration because my computer is geriatric in electronic-years). Alternatively, Instagram allows you to like photos, so that might provide her with the encouragement she seems to seek out.

This way she could post things to a site, and you could view them/like them/whatever when you have free time (especially if it's a site you visit for other reason), instead of her feeling the need to contact you each time inspiration hits.

You might also show her how to navigate YouTube so that she may search for tutorials for making stuff for her new doll.

Neither of my parents are particularly tech-savvy (not that I am either), but both have found their way around social media when it became useful to them.

 

It sounds as though your mother is desperate to connect with you which is nice, but she is making it more about herself than she is making it about you, which is why maybe you're feeling the way you are. I would be firm but loving as Dark Angel said. Your mother obviously loves you so don't be afraid to be honest even if it hurts her a tiny bit and in the end it will only strengthen your relationship.

 

There's a decent selection of fairy dolls out there. Point mom in their direction and let her wish list to he heart's content.

 

In my area, there have been quite a few mother-daughter collecting teams. Usually, it's the daughter who gets started and the mother eventually follows the more they "look" and establish what they like. I have seen many a mom end up with more dolls than her daughter because they have more disposable income. I do think this type of relationship would work best. That way you shop together for each your own things but in your each own unique style and interest. Good luck!

 

My mom and I shared a love of dolls. She lived three hours away but we talked on the phone and emailed constantly. We were members of some of the same doll boards too. We did NOT have the same taste aesthetically, but after some bumps in the beginning we worked it out. It definitely helped when she started buying and collecting her own.
She's been gone seven years but I treasure the time we had.

 

You're lucky. My mom thinks dolls are a waste of money but thinks nothing of gambling away hundreds of dollars at a casino. I always have to lie about the price of my bjds because she would call me stupid if I told her the real prices. I wish I had somone close to me who was into the hobby.

 

My parents are very supportive of my hobby, and now that my dad has retired, he's forever looking for stuff to do to stay busy. He's very good at wood working and metal works, and I've had him make me a lot of doll furniture, but I always give him pictures and measurements of what I want. Sometimes, he'll make suggestions that he thinks will make it better. Sometimes I accept, sometimes I don't. When it comes to furniture, I like a clean, simple, modern look. He loves fancier things with lots of detail. Often, I have to remind him why those things don't work or I can't use them--the scale will look off using regular trim on mini furniture, it will be too hard to dust and look dirty all the time, the extra bulk will make it too large for the space I have....once I point out the reasons why I want it a certain way, he understands and we find a way to do it that meets my aesthetic and allows him to still make a piece that he's proud for me to show off.

It's similar with my mom--she sews and loves quilting, so I've had her help make my dolls nice quilts. Our compromise is that one of us picks the fabric, the other chooses the quilting style. The key to both parents was just getting the point across that I enjoy the hobby by developing my own characters, and the freedom to have them be literally anything I can imagine. Taking away my ideas ruins the fun for me, but I appreciate their art styles too, I just need them compatible with my ideas.

Maybe if you can get your mom to understand the character creation is YOUR part of this hobby and important to you, you can get her to see that you like her help, but don't appreciate her trying to control your imagination. She sounds like she has lots of ideas and no outlet for it. I think if she could have a doll or two herself, it might solve the problem. If she insists on only helping you, then start sending her pictures of things that do fit your taste. Don't ask her to buy it, just guide her gently and explain why. "My doll would probably have a bedroom with red walls and black carpet because she's really into the goth scene. She'd love to have a bed with a bat print blanket, and it would be awesome if she had a skull painting on the wall and maybe a tiny copy of a ghost story book, too. I think that would really fit her personality and make her really feel at home!" That might help her understand better. You wouldn't gift a football to a ballet dancer, so why gift a rocker girl a kimono? Getting to "know" the doll might help her come up with some more suitable ideas. Good luck!

 

CloakedSchemer Sounds like your parents should open a store on Etsy selling doll stuff.