Dialogue Hesvar #147 - The Wait of Expectations

Yes, I intentionally substituted "wait" for "weight" in the title here on DOA to represent the almost 2.5 year wait the poor members of the Lucius fan club had to endure for this expected story. You can read the story that happened just before this story if you want to understand the role Star played in this one.

That story is located here:
Still Waters Run Deep

Now that you're back, onto the new story.

Hesvar #147 - The Weight of Expectations
Click Here For Large Picture Edition.
New and a little lost? Read from the beginning over at BJD Stories.

We join Sam and Lucius in their house after Star's dramatic exit. They've been standing and kissing for a while and finally decide to take a seat back on one of the couches. As they do Sam senses some tension building in Lucius's body.



Sam: "You're enjoying this right?"

Lucius: "Of course."

Sam: "And this is the day we're going the next step? No underwear?"

Lucius: "Ye...yes."

Sam: "Ok. I just wanted to be sure you were ready."



*Sam gently touches Lucius's thigh and he immediately recoils a bit and covers his groin.*

Sam: "Maybe today isn't that day."

Lucius: "I'm sorry. I really do want to; it's just... more difficult than I expected. I... I don't understand why it's so hard for me to do this. I really am sorry."

Sam: "You don't need to apologize. I think today with Star's words the expectations are just too high. It doesn't feel natural."

Lucius: "Expectations. Hmph. I think this is exactly what everyone expects from me; even me. I have to get over this. It's simply not rational behavior."



*Sam takes her hand off Lucius's thigh and instead uses it to gently raise his head to look at her. Lucius's pet decides to take the opportunity to request some petting.*

Sam: "Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. This isn't a rational moment, it's an emotional one. Just because you're great at one doesn't mean you're great at the other. Besides, what you said to Star earlier applies here too. Right?"

Lucius: "What are you referring to exactly?"



Sam: "You said no one should force anyone in matters of companionship and sexuality. Don't you think that should apply to you as well?"

Lucius: "I don't feel you're forcing me. I'm sorry I gave you that impression. None of this is you. It's just that pathetic child in me still too afraid to do what's right. I'm so mad at myself that I can't move past my fears. It's so frustrating for me. I can only imagine how it must be for you."



Sam: "I'm glad you don't feel I'm forcing you, and I assure you I'm not frustrated at all, but what I meant is that I feel like you're forcing yourself."

Lucius: "I wasn't talking about that to Star. I was talking about forcing others."

Sam: "I know, and there's no doubt forcing others is a terrible thing, but I don't think forcing yourself is good either."



*Lucius sighs.* "We may never get any further if I follow that advice though."

Sam: "I know that's not true. I'd say you just need time and the right person, but I really hope I am the right person. So I'll say we just need time and the right moment. And when that moment arrives everything will seem so natural you won't even be afraid. There will be nothing to force."

Lucius: "I'm not certain that's possible."

Sam: "Well I am. And I'm happy to wait however long it takes. So let's just relax and enjoy the day. No expectations."

*Lucius just sighs.*



*Sam suddenly pulls her arm out from behind Lucius.* "Oh! I know something we can try! It came up with Ayr when I was telling her you wanted them to have the master bedroom."

 

Lucius: "Stop! I am NOT doing that. That would NOT help me."

Sam: "But I didn't even say what the idea was."



Lucius: "I know what kinds of things that woman is in to. It might work for her and Kano and that's fine if that's their thing but it's just not going to work for me. I can't believe you'd even consider suggesting we go there."

Sam: "Uhm, sorry but you've lost me."



Sam: "I was going to suggest you let me examine your ribs. I was talking to Ayr about how I was different and she asked to feel my extra ribs. She agreed I was different and she'd never felt anyone else like me. Then it occurred to me I've never felt anyone else's ribs so I don't really know what's normal."



Lucius: "I can't believe I went there. Of course you wouldn't be so foolish to suggest something like that."

Sam: "Like what? I really don't know what you're talking about."



Lucius: "I'd really rather not talk about it. But I think your idea is an excellent one." *Lucius starts to set his pet aside.* "You really should understand more about how you differ from others. Let's just go with the exam."

Sam: "Ok."



*Sam reaches over and begins to unbutton Lucius's vest.*

Lucius: "What are you doing?!?"

Sam: "I'm taking your vest off. Surely you don't think my first anatomy examination should be performed through two layers of clothing. How am I supposed to learn?"



*Lucius realizes this is a SCIENCE moment!* "Yes of course. That would be a completely inadequate lesson."

*Lucius starts to help Sam unbutton his shirt and vest.*

 

*Lucius starts going through the anatomy of his ribs.* "Feel how at this point the ribs no longer attach to the sternum in front nor reach far enough to touch each other from opposite sides."

Sam: "I do. And this is normal for most people?"

Lucius: "Yes, you seem to be the exception."

Sam: "Are most people the same on both sides like you and me?"

Lucius: "Yes, at least in their bones. The organs however are generally not symmetric."

*They work their way down Lucius's floating ribs.*



*They eventually work their way into the abdominal muscle structure explaining how it's very different from Sam's extended rib cage.*

Sam: "But your pelvic bones close in front like mine right? Right about here?" *Touches Lucius just above his belt.*

Lucius: "Yes they do close in front, essentially anyway, but not quite that high. Yours aren't that high either. You're confusing your ribs with your pelvic structure."

Sam: "Really?"

Lucius: "Yes. I thought we went over this during your exam."



*Lucius starts to undo his belt.* "Your pelvic bones come around front at a similar location to mine. The bones you feel where you were pressing are still your ribs. Remember that not only do your floating ribs extend further you also you have two extra ribs compared to humans who happen to have the same number of ribs as me. So your positioning is off. Let me show you."



*Sam takes a moment to look up at Lucius as he begins to unbutton his pants. She observes that there is no sign of fear or hesitation.*



*Sam looks back down at the area of study as Lucius begins to slide his pants down.* "I suppose I can understand how you could be a little confused with no reference, but I think if you'd been paying proper attention during your exam you would at least better understand your own anatomy."



*Just then there's a knock on the front door. Lucius looks up surprised. Sam is more interested in Lucius than the door.*



*Lucius suddenly becomes aware of his current state of undress and reflexively curls up a bit and covers himself.*

Lucius: "What am I doing?"

Sam: "Something you love, sharing knowledge. With someone you love; me. Seems pretty natural doesn't it? Not scary at all."

Lucius: "You led me right into that."

Sam: "Indirectly. I really did want to examine someone's ribs after Ayr examined mine. And I thought examining your ribs, hopefully a safe part of your body, would let me do two things I love, learning, and helping people feel better about themselves. With someone I love; you. I didn't really think we'd go any lower than your ribs when we started, but you were on a roll. So I thought hey, we're in the moment. Are you upset with me?"

Lucius: "I'm not sure."



Lucius: "Were you really that confused about your anatomy."

Sam: "Not really, it was mostly just a matter of reference as you said. I only have my own anatomy to go on and I was naked during the exam. So I wasn't entirely sure where my ribs would fall relative to a man's belt line."

Lucius: "Then no, I'm not upset with you."

Sam: "But I did lead you on just a little."

Lucius: "And for that I thank you. You were right. It was much less unpleasant in the moment than forcing myself."

Sam: "I'm glad to hear that."

*Another knock comes from the door.*



*Sam leans over and kisses Lucius intentionally placing her hand gently on his, both now near to his still lowered pants to send a subtle reinforcement that it's ok.*

Sam: "I love you. I'm going to go see who's at the door so get dressed. But I really would like to continue this lesson in the future. I need that proper reference so I can't embarrass you in the future as a poorly trained student."

*Sam slowly gets up and heads towards the front door and Lucius quickly starts closing up his pants, shirt, and vest feeling proud of what he accomplished today. Such huge progress from the first time he thought to let Sam examine him.*

 

Yeah slow but steady progress. Maybe this was a bigger step than actually taking off his underwear. Plus I didn't want to go too fast. His fan club might not be aware things are back on the air yet.

Seems likely it's Pris, or Seth, or both. Unless it's a Vespin guard looking for some horny foxes.

 

Exactly. Science is the key to Lucius's... heart? Mind? More?

You have a good point. It might be just as well. Maybe even perfectly timed. As you said there are other things they need to know, but also maybe his making it as far as he did without any worries or negativity will swim around in the back of his mind help it sink in that he really is safe with Sam. Then next time he'll have a subtle shift in mindset that makes it all that much easier.