Aesthetics First Weekend doing Face-ups

I see what you meant about the eyeliner being light and I think that it is because the eyeliner doesn't look like it goes across the whole eyelid, even though you did line the whole upper lid, it's just that going towards the nose the black is just in the inner part of the eyelid or just the edge which isn't visible from the front, but still visible when head is upside down.
Try using black pastel for under the eye instead of pencil, or use the pastel to help blend in the pencil.

I also suggest using a different colour for the lip lines because they are the same as the eyebrows and to try spacing them a bit more evenly and same direction.
The lower lashes may look more natural if the hairs were the same colour as the eyebrows.
Also it may help using reference photos for using eyelashes, because I've seen company face ups which the eyebrows were really simple and straight and they still look good, and some are shaped like Vs or triangles.

The eyebrow shape is very nice and thick, though the eyebrows are too close together, generally eyebrows are the same distance apart as the eyes. If you imagine a line going up from the tip of the eye that's where the eyebrow starts.

Generally the face up is pretty good and the freckles look nice too.
I felt the same way about doing face-ups but it just takes lots of practice, and to me it was fun as well.

 

That's a very nice faceup! And impressive that it's your first? Wow!

I love the blushing, it's well done and you chose good colors. The freckles are adorable. ;3; I like the eyebrows a lot too: the shape is great, the position is good, the hairs are going in a good direction. I think they could only be improved if you drew thinner lines with a sharper pencil tip, like on the tiny little eyelashes you made.

Eyelashes are tricky, because you have to figure out what style you like and then you have to get good at it. xD And people don't always agree about eyelashes. Generally there's two ways to go about it, doing something that looks more realistic, or doing stylized eyelashes. I like stylized lashes, but it looks like you were going for natural, maybe? I agree with Psywave that looking at references of eyelashes will help them to look better. Your technique is good though, they're nice and thin.

The lips need the most work IMO, but not that much because like I said this is a good faceup! XD The lip lines are definitely off... I don't like the color of the lines, and I think they're too thick. As it is, the lips look kind of chapped. I recommend using a color that's a slightly darker version of the lip color, or using white very lightly just to give the lips texture. You don't want the lip lines to have too much contrast against the base color, because then they look too stripey and it's distracting.

You have a really good handle on this already, so I think you'll be super good at this in no time. At this point I would say you should focus on practicing your linework, sharpening your pencils constantly so you get thin, crisp lines. Or, if you're experienced with paint, you could go that route. A lot of people who've never done art before struggle with it, but since you know what you're doing you could give it a try? Most people use acrylic paint mixed with a medium to thin the paint and make it dry slower, but some people use gouache or watercolor. If you get a reeeeally thin brush (I use a 20/0 liner), you can get really beautiful lines that taper at the ends and are smoother looking than pencils.

Anyways, he's gorgeous and I love your concept for him!