Do you have a right to feel offended?

^pretty much this. I have little else to say. Yes, one may feel offended, especially if even after informing people of the doll's gender they insist it's the opposite or something like that. Now, throwing a hissy fit about it (and I've seen it happening) is quite immature and silly in my opinion and said owner should simply sit down and find good points in order to be able to reasonably defend their doll/stylistic choices without dissolving the whole argument in petty bickering.

 

I did a quick search and didn't find anything similar to this. If there is, please point me in the direction of it ~


I really love BJDs and i have a custom made wallpaper of Ducan (D.O.D) on my phone and and profile pictures of him as well. When others see this, They would think that HE is a SHE... and i tend to get really really annoyed with it >.<" and go "its a him..." in a really annoyed tone.

I will be placing my order for Ducan soon and im expecting to get alot of comments like this in future T_T ..

So... my question is

- How do you feel when someone calls your guy doll a "she" ?
- How would you tell them that it isn't a "she" ?

 

To the first question: When they call &#8216;he&#8217; a &#8216;she&#8217;, I&#8217;ve never really minded. Two of my male dolls, Albin and Connor, cross-dress. So I expect there to be confusion. One time someone mistook Finch for a girl and it didn&#8217;t ruffle my feathers as much as I thought it would. It bothered Finch a little bit but the person quickly apologized after I corrected them. So, for me, no terrible experiences about that thus far.

To the second question: I just keep it casual. I try to laugh it off. And when it comes to my cross-dressers, I don&#8217;t even correct people because Connor and Albin don&#8217;t care which pronouns you use for them.

I think it&#8217;s just best to let it roll right off your shoulder. People make mistakes and they are by no means trying to insult your doll&#8212;they&#8217;ve just gotten a little mixed up.

 

You can't blame people for getting confused by ornate outfits that aren't generally seen except by devotees of historical dramas. Or faceups that have permanent eyeliner, bright lips, and lengthy lashes.

Sometimes, it's just that that male dolls often have really great hair, especially long hair, not seen on most human males. Not a mistake to get riled up over, unless they then get really judgmental after being corrected. (In which case there are bigger problems there than just doll ID errors--)

I usually just correct, and mention the hair (since many of my guys have long hair) is: 1 - a fantasy esthetic, not mainstream; or 2 - the kind of hair we wish human men could manage to have; or 3 - the kind of hair I wish *I* could have! They usually connect with at least one of the reasons of quirky subculture/the disappointments of real life/self-compensation/wish fulfillment.

It's not a biggie, just their frame of reference is kind of mainstream.

 

The Asian aesthetic is pretty boys, which, as hobbywhelmed mentioned, is not mainstream to the general population. Those who watch anime or read manga will have more of a clue.

Shuichi is my beautiful boy with a dramatic faceup and when I carried him around with me all the time I would get stopped for my beautiful girl. I thanked the person for complementing my doll and then say "He's a guy". Depending on the person, I might include "and he has the bits to prove it." Then I would tell them it was okay to mistake him for a girl, talk about the different aesthetic and show off his joints and clothes so they know I am not upset about the mixup.

DOD dolls ARE beautiful so you will probably get that, depending on the style your doll chooses as his own. Just smile at the person who made the mistake, gently correct him/her and introduce them to the wonderful hobby of bjds. I enabled a lot of people with Shuichi! LOL!

 

- How do you feel when someone calls your guy doll a "she" ? I don't really feel offended because I understand my boy is very effeminate, so I can see how someone would mistake him for a girl. Especially since I gave him a very feminine wig and long eyelashes. I consider it almost a compliment, because they're acknowledging how beautiful he is.


- How would you tell them that it isn't a "she" ? I just simply tell them he is a male. They're usually pretty shocked and tell me he's feminine. I then reply by telling them that I like effeminate males and that's why I chose him in the first place.

 

I wouldnt get annoyed if it was an honest mistake but some people just insist that he is a "she" and goes around asking their friends of their opinion... >.<"

Im probably gonna dress my doll in victorian styled suits with abit of chains n stuffs with his default wig (for the time being). I really hope he doesnt get mistaken for a girl ._."

I burst out laughing in the office at this T_T...

 

Question 1 - expected answer from general public so it bothers me NONE.

Question 2 - I do not feel a need to EXPLAIN anything to general public who is just passing by and make a nice comment about my doll. I just smile and say thank you. It is like a nice outfit, if it is good enough to catch someone's attention, the thing to do is just to say thank you. There is not need to tell the person where you bought the outfit, how much etc. Those are details the person is not looking for when they comment about your girl doll so why bother them with details


Otherwise there is way to make sure they look male such as



Out of my crew I think only CP Delf El and maybe my DOD Ducan were taken as females

Rest of my Volks etc - I really do not have any problem

 

It mostly only really bothers me when I need to restate time and again that the doll is male, even if I'd made it perfectly clear in the past to that same person that the doll is male.

Caleb has gotten this, and his dress-style is fairly masculine, erring on some kind of weird fusion between EGA fashion and modern punk, and his wig is also fairly short. Admittedly, his sculpt is DollZone Floy, which is a rather effeminate sculpt, but his dress-style should partly give him away as being male, I would think.

In my experience, though, most people are pretty good about it. I can only think of one or two people who need to be told time and again that the doll is male.

 

Ahhh the old gender chestnut, s'been a while since I saw this one come up! Basic rule when showing people BJD's, be they doll people or non-doll people: They will see what they want to see. A prime example of this from my own collection being the time I put up a photo of one of my boys wearing only underwear (flat chest fully on show), sat on a chair and the first comment on the thing was "I really like her dress." *shrug* People are idiots, whatcha gonna do.

Seriously, you can tell them it's a boy until you're blue in the face and they will probably still call it a girl, you get used to it and just learn to thank them for any compliments and move on, it's just easier all round and really, when it comes down to it, who cares? You know it's a boy, no one else matters.

 

They're not male or female, just representations of the human body of either sex (well "either of several sexes" if we want to be perfectly accurate). Therefore, I don't care. I don't even bother to correct people.

If I continue talking to them about my doll and/or character, I would use the correct gender pronouns. If they catch on - great! If not, oh well. No calamity will befall anyone if a person goes around thinking my male doll is female. Also, in some languages, "doll" is feminine, which means any doll is by default a "she". It's really awkward, for example, to refer to a boy doll as a "he" in Russian because it's the equivalent of saying "This woman - he has pretty eyes". Someone who is a non-native English speaker might find this a big source of confusion.

If they get confrontational with me about what a man or a woman are supposed to look like, I WILL get in their face, but it has nothing to do with dolls and everything to do with my not being particularly tolerant of generalizing, narrow world-views. However, I do acknowledge that physically, most male dolls bear more female characteristics than male, therefore the mistake is very easy to make.

 

I wouldn't be offended if my boys got mistaken for girls, a little annoyed maybe, but my boys do look fairly feminine so it's to be expected. A friend of mine, upon seeing my El and having me correct her for thinking he was a girl (a dress makes it a girl, but apparently pants, a coat and big goth boots do not make it a boy, although I suppose female-emancipation-wise that's a good thing), honestly told me that "I'm sorry, I just can't SEE him as male" even though she didn't doubt that he had his bits and all. That kind of statement I can accept, it clearly states "I know he's male, because I've been conditioned to believe that this+this+that=female my brain is not accepting him as male (just yet, I'm trying but need time to adjust to this idea)", also because this person happens to be a very openminded anti-discrimination individual.

On the other hand, not too long ago I had a discussion with someone on Deviantart who had posted to a picture of someone's doll (an admittedly very feminine looking Migidoll Jina boy that was being confused for a girl by multiple commenters even though he didn't wear a dress) "It's a lovely doll, but I don't understand why you don't just get a girl doll instead". So I explained to them (the owner wisely kept out of it all, I'm sure they must have seen it a 100 times before) that a girly boy doll is not the same as a girl doll and that this owner seemed to want a feminine looking boy doll for whatever personal reason rather than a girl. We discussed back and forth a bit and at one point the commenter stated "if I wanted a girly boy doll I would do it so-and-so-and-so (=take a feminine mold but clearly keep it a guy as far as faceup and clothing is concerned, so no heavy makeup and no skinny jeans, "girly" shirts or jewelry, which I think is fair enough, one person's awesome is another person's way overdone after all), but I feel that this owner didn't want a girly boy but a girl". That rubbed me the wrong way. I don't mind if someone is having trouble accepting a girly boy doll (why is it never about butch girl dolls?) because they were taught to believe in strict gender divisions and need time to adjust to a different way of thinking (which is basically what's going on when they insist that it's a girl when it is not, they really can't comprehend that what their eyes tell them is not what their brain thinks it is at that point), but I do mind when people pretend to know what a person is thinking and tell them how they should dress their dolls or whatever else. Sometimes I don't even have a clear reason for wanting my dolls to look a certain way, I just want it, it feels pleasant to think of them looking a certain way. It would be so nice if we doll-owners didn't have to justify all our decisions about our dolls whenever we show them off to non-dollpeople.

Little bit of a wall of text there, sorry^^;;.

 

I don't have my feminine little dainty male doll yet, but I've had a lot of gender confusion surrounding a few rp characters of mine, and that is kind of the same deal just in a different field.

Anyway, honest mistakes happen. And if I was to blow it out of proportions every time a oblivious someone went 'she is adorable' or 'what a cute girl' on me I'd be in a constant state of angry (and that is just way too much effort for me.) So I've reclined myself to that yes, it will happen, and the best way to handle it is to accept the compliment for what it was meant to be, and gently point out that it's actually a guy.

when someone gets intentionally insulting and rude about it, well that is a whole 'nother story.

 

I rememember one time, I tried to change the faceup of my first doll. his first faceup was pretty much black all over so this time I tried to make it more natural. but I am not experience with faceups so of course it was not perfect. his lips were bright pink and way too glossy.
but overall it looked pretty decent so I decided to post a picture on dA anyway, to show my progress, and a nice fellow posted said "that's a guy?? way too feminin!"
thank you for your very usefull input, kind sir. your comment has been taken into account and from now on I shall only paint manly faceups, because I am totally good at doing it!
=____=;;
yes I was offended just because it was RUDE.

 

ShuriTigerH- I completely understand where you're coming from. There are few things that irk me quite as much as people assuming they know what I'm thinking when they don't. In the case you mentioned, it seems HIGHLY rude to me to assume that someone really wanted a girl doll when they got a girly-boy. I think all of us here know how easy it is to just get a girl doll if that's what you want- but that's clearly not what that owner wanted.

I'm also thinking in terms of what it's going to be like when I get my femi-boy! His character is going to be half of a pop singing duo, and one of the key components of him and his partner's performing costumes are brightly-colored corsets and other bright-colored accessories. I'm not going to have him wearing skirts or dresses, but I know that people are likely going to mistake him for a girl regardless (which is funny, because his partner is going to be a girl so there will be marked differences between the two, and they're going to be shot in photoshoots and photostories together that will display these differences even more). But to me it's not a big deal because for the most part, the world still sees dolls as being girls, and I doubt that changes anytime soon.

 

What kind of doll is that?? I love the pose, the sculpt

Someone said that kyoshi, my favorite doll, look like a girl but I just laughed it off because I know that in their minds dolls=girls.

However, I felt offended because my boy doesn't look like a girl...the rest of my family never confused him as a girl but I didn't act on it because I know he has a cutesy face up =) and he could pass up as a girl by changing his wig only.

 

Do you have the right to feel offended if somebody outside your pop subculture isn't attuned to the signs and symbols of your pop subculture?

Sure, fine. Live it up. But chances are, you're probably going to come off as an easily-offended dork with a victim complex.

 

guess i can expect ALOT of these kinds of comments when i take him out that over time, ill just brush it off.. ._." But it would probably hurt his ego xD

 

DOA has the hiccups right now. Sorry!

 

Oh yes indeed he is an F38, on a SD17 body. A totally gorgeous-looking one --

and yet there might well be someone out there who'll look at him and say he looks too *pretty*to be manly. So what. Doesn't impede our enjoyment!

 

Which they sometimes do! - Some people seem to have seeerious issues about being corrected. They splutter and justify and try to rework the situation so that it sounds like they're right, like there's some huge need to save face. Poor things. I almost want to pat their heads and tell them it's OK, it's OK, relax, take deep cleansing breaths, remember your bloodpressure, mind that vein throbbing on your forehead before it explodes and splatters my glasses. It's just a doll. I know you WANT it to be a girl, so that it will fit into the corners of your square little world, but that still doesn't change the fact that it's a boy.

You're right, that's gotta be some bigger issue afoot... but I simply cannot give enough of a crap to stay around and psychoanalyze them. ^^ I figure, either they'll go home and laugh it off and call it a learning-experience, or else they'll splutter & fume themselves to sleep and *piff* die of an embolism during the night. Not my problem.

 

Well if they got it wrong they didn't read the caption, most likely. Being a trans-man, someone mis-judging the gender of my doll is the least of my concerns. I'm a transman with a doll. >_> -elephant in the room- But anyhow, if someone complimented one of my boys as 'she's so pretty!" I'd probably just thank them, even if the 'thank you' was plainly visible to others. Doesn't matter if it's confusing - someone called him pretty - that deserves a thank you.. I give thank you's when I'm personally called beautiful, no matter how obviously awkward I sound doing it. Getting choked up over being corrected is something I'm guilty of too. It stinks being wrong/confused. Umm I don't always feel like explaining my own gender so 'clearing up' the gender of one of my dolls would be annoying for me. Let them be confused.

 

If I had a girly guy, I definitely wouldn't get offended.
In fact, I would probably be pleased because clearly what I was trying to do worked.

The only reason someone would dress their guy in a dress is because they know it's girly. I'm sure no guy would put on a tutu thinking that it's the norm.
Anyway, if a real guy with a skinny body put on a dress, long hair and makeup, I would probably think it was a girl too, ehe.

 

just like trans or crossdressing humans, it's not polite to ask one's gender. i can see where a girly-boy doll owner could get annoyed.

 

I think people that are clueless about dolls shouldn't effend us. I know people that work on cars cars and often say that "engine" thingy, and they are never effended that I am clueless...

 

I would think they would take it as a compliment :p like im sure most real guys who try to dress girly would XD

 

I have to agree with your sister. If your boy is very feminine and he wears girly clothes and so, it's normal that people think he's a girl. (: I think it's nothing to feel offended of, unless someone is starting to mock the doll because of it.

 

I think it's ok to feel offended if you make a thread and say it's a boy...because it's disrespectful not to read what the person says. They lost time writing so you should read, I guess...


but if the owner says nothing about it, I don't think they should be upset...it's a normal mistake. That's what I think...I wouldn't worry about it ^^'

 

If the doll looks like a girl then you can't be offended if someone assumes that because your boy is in a skirt or dress that he's a girl. I used to dress my boy in long hair in skirts and dresses and I got used to people saying she is pretty and I would correct them happily and say thank you but he's a boy.

 

I wouldn't get offended. Many doll guys look girly, especially if they wear girly clothes.

 

I personally wouldn't be offended, it's typical to assume someone in a skirt is a girl.
Also I've seen plenty of sculpts and been like "Oh she's pretty--" click the icon and see it's a boy.

 

I'm not offended when people assume my boys are girls even though all they wear are men's clothing. Male dolls tend to bit a bit rare outside of this hobby so I totally understand why people would assume my boys are girls.
I don't even correct people anymore when the mistake my dolls' genders, I'm just glad someone has taken interest in them. (That and I hate...'proving' their gender lol)

I think if you dress your boys like girls, you just have to accept that someone might assume they are a girl.

 

If I had a girly guy, I'd probably be slightly offended.. But not enough to get angry about it.

 

Heh... this is quite the interesting discussion.
As a transman i say if you're dressing as and/or look like a certain gender- expect people to assume you're that gender.
Now, with a doll, most of them do look androgynous. That's a contributor to the confusion definitely. However in western society, if something is androgynous they will immediately assume female just to be on the safe side- think about it, its more common for a female to wear jeans and a hoodie than to see a guy rockin a skirt, right? Its socially acceptable one way and not the other.

So if me, being a guy, walked out in a dress and complained when people called me a girl, then it really wouldnt make sense if I got mad- why would i start doing girly things in public like wear this dress? If i didnt want to be called a girl i wouldnt have worn it!

But me being in a doll hobby doesnt help much with my masculine image, does it? ^ ^" (I call them Ball-jointed ACTION FIGURES! YEAHH) Tbh i dont tell anyone but close friends that Im in the hobby... just for this reason exactly.

 

My boys are incredibly feminine, and I acknowledge it and totally accept and understand that others have different tastes. Someone once mentioned how big my girl's eyes are and I agree - they are big - and her expression is very cat-like. I acknowledge and accept that she is not to everyone's tastes.

Being offended, in my opinion, is not a "right". Rather, it is a choice and it is often felt by those who feel inferior in some way and use their dolls to say "look at me" or "look how great I am".

Insult my dolls all you like... they are only dolls. I will enjoy them no matter how popular or unpopular they are and no matter what anyone says. I think if one can do that, then one is truly happy with the dolls in one's collection.

 

I only get offended when people call my boy, who wears pants and a hoodie, a girl, but their reply is, "Ohh, but he's wearing so much makeup?" So I think face ups have a lot to do with it. He's wearing a black fur wig, boyish clothes, but the fact that he's "wearing makeup" makes him seem so girly.

 

If a boy doll is dressed like a girl, then how is your sister supposed to know?
i've had people thinking my daughters were boys despite them being dressed all in pink and with ponytails..

 

I think that people have their right to their own opinions.. just as much as people have a right to be offended by comments that are not what would be considered as "constructive criticism".

If someone is unaware that another person's BJD that is male, but is dressed in a dress or any other kind of outfit that is traditionally looked upon as female clothing.. then I think they should not be too offended if someone mistakes them for a girl.

I always go with the motto: "To each their own", because not everyone is going to like the same doll, the way they dress, their personality.. etc .. however it really annoys me when people go out of their way to be cruel & bash someone else's BJD.

 

If the commenter is sincere about it, there's no need to be offended or even upset. You can't expect people to immediately jump into your thought process of why you dress a guy in girly clothing or give him girly hair or a girly faceup... As long as they don't get offensive about it, neither should you, I think. Besides, you chose to make him look the way he does, so it must've crossed your mind at least once that it might happen...? ^^;;

 

To be perfectly honest, I've never understood why people buy male dolls and then 'make' them female, but I can understand why people get offended when that gender mistake is made.

The best thing to do is to correct them the first time and then just accept that they are judgmental bastards if they continue to purposely refer to your dolls by the wrong gender.

 

Well, if the person has been corrected several times already and STILL insists on calling him a girl, then I would say they have every right to be irritated(As someone who has personally been called a "he" after the person has been told several times that I'm a female, I understand how annoying that is).

However, you shouldn't expect people to automatically assume that the doll in question is one gender when they're dressed and customized to look like the opposite gender. A lot of the male dolls in this hobby have fairly feminine faces to begin with, some to the point where you could put their sculpts on a female body and nobody would be the wiser. If you really don't want the dolls gender to be confused then it probably wouldn't hurt to state somewhere in your post that they're a male, or, like someone else said, just don't dress them up like the opposite sex at all. It's ridiculous to just expect people to assume that your very feminine looking/dressed boy is a BOY when you intentionally made them to look like a GIRL.
Especially if you live in a society where it's considered "abnormal" for a male to dress like a female to begin with. I mean, I can't speak for other countries, but in America most children are conditioned from an early age to believe that certain genders act/look/dress a certain way. Hasn't anyone else noticed that toys that encourage housework(Pretend kitchens, vacuums, etc.), playing with dolls(Which are usually female)/dress-up, pink clothes and frilly dresses are usually targeted at little girls, while toys that encourage going out and getting dirty, participating in more aggressive sports/activities, and wearing pants and shirts with monster trucks/super heroes/etc. are usually targeted at little boys? We're practically taught this stuff from the day we're born, so it's only natural that people are going to assume your feminine looking doll in a long, curly wig and frilly pink dress is a girl, even if they're not.

 

i think the truth is most dolls are pretty feminine anyway. I don't think it calls for getting offended unless the person is intentionally calling a male doll a girl. but for those inside the hobby, I think you see the "boy doll that looks like a girl" trope so damn often you should probably be able to recognize a doll gender with ease. (i know i can ;~; )

 

I guess my issue lies with the world of gender roles. I have a so-called "girly" male, and I am a little annoyed when he becomes a she. But I wouldn't say I'm offended. I think that the way your sister worded it is a little harsh, but I understand what she's saying. I just think that gender roles in general are stupid, but this isn't the place for that rant. I do think that it's time to be a little offended when the person or people refuses to correct pronoun usage and such.

 

If you have a boy doll presenting as female or feminine, why not take it as real life trans women do and take it as a compliment? As in, happy to know that your doll 'passes' as the gender he/she wants to present themselves? Really, it doesn't upset me at all. I correct once but I think for most people it's innocent. If it looks like a duck and dresses like a duck...well, what's wrong with being a duck anyway?!

Ultimately this sort of thing is between you and your doll, and other people's opinions don't matter so much. This I think applies to many aspects of the hobby....or at least it should.

 

For me it's like this, I believe men and women should both be allowed to dress however they like. However, these are dolls. They do not have the usually clear signs of being male or female. In my opinion if it is a male doll, and you dress it in feminine attire, it's a forget you to cultural norms. As such the confusion should be understood by the owner. So in short, if the doll doesn't have facial hair or an Adam's apple, no the owner does not have a right to get all butt hurt about it.

 

I have to admit, there was a Fairyland doll I had looked into. Mostly because the fullset came with some WONDEROUS long hair and I thought ‘Well that’d save me the trouble of going out to buy some’. But he was marked as a boy. I of course saw him and thought ‘He looks a lot like a girl’.

So I went on DA and asked a few owners what they thought and some had made him into a girl others said he really was either way. And right now I have a Dreamhigh Studio doll, Nero whom I see as a female. I posted pictures of her not to long ago and several people responded ‘SHE’s beautiful, love the pictures of HER’ (I’d said she was a girl in my post) but then someone said ‘He’s gorgeous’ and so I politely said that I’d decided to make them into a she (since I don’t know if there were specific genders besides the one with mini breast lol).
But then a moderator commented and called her a he as well, I have to admit I was nervous to correct them because i didn’t want to offend them and then of course I saw myself being banned (I know that doesn’t happen but I just panicked a little :P ).

But long story short is wasn’t really offensive to me. Maybe if it was someone I knew and I thought ‘Wow she looks so lady like and girlie’ and they came out with ‘What a nice looking dude’ I would be like ‘Aw man I thought I made her more feminin’ lol but other than that I don’t know if you have or don’t have the ‘right’ to get offended. I feel like some of these dolls come from our imagination and if you’re someone who thinks a guy looks wonderful in what we think as ‘girly’ cloths than by all means be yourself. But of course a lot of people won’t understand so maybe we shouldn’t jump on others inside or outside the hobby because we’ve got SO many opinions sometimes I feel like you can just smile, nod, and then continue on the way you like to do things

 

This ^^ My boy Tyler gets referred to as female all the time and I have no idea why. He's the most boyish of my many boys, has short hair and is always dressed in masculine clothes. I'm not exactly offended when people call him a girl, I sometimes do feel a little annoyed and wonder if these people are actually paying attention to what they're seeing.

As for the male dolls who have long hair, wear girly makeup and/or jewelry and dress in feminine clothes, I think it's perfectly reasonable for people to assume they are girls. I've seen quite a few dolls whose gender I questioned, simply because of the way they were dressed and made up. I think an owner who dressed their male doll in a way that is traditionally considered feminine shouldn't be surprised if people mistake him for a girl. As for the 'right to feel offended' no one can tell anyone else how they should feel. If a person feels offended that other people keep mistaking their boy doll for a girl, that's fine. The important thing is how a person responds to their feelings. If a person is offended and then gets all angry and huffy with the person who offended them, the situation is bound to deteriorate. Calmly explaining that 'he's a boy with an alternative style' (or whatever) might be a better solution.

 

I don't get offended if someone mistakes my boys for girls, though I do wonder why think they are girls considering I have them dressed like boys... Are their faces really that girly? LOL.

(btw, people that mistake my boys for girls are only people OUTSIDE of the BJD community.)

 

I don't really get offended when people mistake my boys for girls. It's very rare that this happens with my masculine boys but if it were to happen, let's say, on my Daydream Lance when he's wearing his skirts and perhaps a long wig and loose tops that make it impossible to tell what his body type is like? It's made so that he purposefully looks like a girl! Instead of being offended I'd call it a sweet success and go along with the person who assumes he's a girl! If they realise he's male that's just as good to me, though!

Same goes for one other of my guys who dresses in both entirely masculine wigs and clothes, in between ones and entirely feminine ones because of his job. On top of being originally a girl sculpt I wouldn't expect anyone to not misjudge his gender when he's not wearing his short boyish wig and clothes and even if they do when he's wearing them I can simply either overlook it because of the particular character and his style or simply correct them if I feel like I have to.

 

I get offended (well actually I get annoyed) when people call my Harry (IH Dexter w/his limited BEARDED faceup) feminine-looking. More like WTF??? I also get ticked when the SAME people have to CONSTANTLY be told that the SAME doll is not a girl but a boy. I don't have any of my male dolls cross-dressing at the moment.
My fav 'are you cracked' incident - I took my Charlie (Ringdoll Kirin), dressed as Katsura from Gintama (a kimono & haori) to work. The kimono wouldn't stay shut. Now since the cosplay includes long hair I could see people thinking him female, right up until said garment opened - I hadn't put pants or underwear on poor Charlie. So here he was flashing people who STILL called him a girl!?!

 

I don't own any male BJD's so I'm not sure if I would be offended but I have to admit that even I sometimes mistake boy dolls for girl dolls so I doubt I would be overly offended. However, when people refer to my dogs or my 10month old as 'he', look out.....

 

Assuming everyone in a dress in a girl is what I get all the time from people not familiar with visual kei. I mean if you are, you won't call Mana a girl right? That's the same thing.

And it isn't that hard to see that those musicians are actually all male (minus a few). It may be with dolls though since you can use a female head or an androgynous body, but it's rude to insist when they tell you it's a he.

 

I don't really care. My friends and family know that my doll is a boy, but we all agree that he looks very feminine. If someone mistook him, I would completely understand them, especially since I plan to put him in dresses. I would say that he is actually a girly boy, but I would take no offense. It's not their fault for making this mistake, especially with that adorable face of his.

 

My mum keeps calling one of my boys (the one in my signature if it helps XD) a girl, and I keep saying, you can buy him on a girls body, but this is a boy, his character is a boy... He's a boy! But mum reckons he's too cute to be one and wants him female :/ While yeh it irritates me, I think she's partly winding me up, and partly its that, unlike me, she doesnt watch anime where boys can be styalised to such feminine extremes, though both me and my mum love long haired guys... I wouldnt be offended, if they kept saying it I'd be irritated, but if you have no interest in the hobby or relating hobbies around it, then you cant expect them to change how they see our dolls. I hate R&B, so I'd call any category of it R&B with the same general brush... which to a fan would be annoying as hell. Same thing I suppose

 

I wouldn't be offended initially but as others have pointed out, it would annoy me if I corrected them and they kept doing it. I only have girls so far but I pretty much think gender roles are stupid and people (and dolls) should be able to dress how they want. A bit of confusion is understandable though, I do find lots of male dolls already look quite feminine.

 

I think that everyone has the right to be offended (and you also have to remember that no matter what you say, you are going to offend someone), but they need to handle their frustrations reasonably. Although you may have strong feelings, you have to recognize that someone else is not going to see everything the same way you do.
In this case, I agree with your sister. As much as many people would like to throw out the idea of it, clothes and colors do often represent a certain gender and are used to convey a certain message in the public eye. This is the normal assumption we make as humans. My suggestion would be that if a situation like this arises again, simply point out their mistake and don't make a big deal out of it. Be understanding of their mistake and don't take it personally! I'm sure the doll is an adorable boy, but I can still understand the mistake!
However, I have never owned a male doll, so I have not had this happen to me--but I can understand being offended by it. If the character is a boy then the doll is a boy! It seems so easy for us as creators of the character to understand that it can be very frustrating!

 

I sort of agree with your sister, because to non-dolly people, the general assumption is if it looks like a stereotypical girl, its a girl. However I do think that can be annoying if you already told the person the doll is a male, and they insist on using female pronouns. I think that doll sculpts tend to look more feminine to outsiders too. My mom is always going on about how a doll is way to pretty/ feminine to be a boy. I suppose the sculpt would make a difference, not just the clothes, because certain traits are credited to feminine hormones. In a way, I personally feel like, if you wanted that girly look for your doll, shouldn't you be happy people are acknowledging that? Not all mad because they find the doll girly, which you styled it like? Hope that makes sense!

 

The thing about it is, people will make assumptions that fit in their norm. It's automatic.
They will also assume that ALL DOLLS ARE GIRLS due to the fact that advertisements always show little girls playing with GIRL dolls. They take one look and ask me, "is that male or female?" I mean, he wasn't even a SD13, he was a SD17 and on the buff side with chest muscles. My guy was dressed like a guy, wearing pants, boots, short hair, and a shirt that was opened. I even did his faceup to look like a guy and gave him short eyelashes.
So I ask them, "Can't you tell he's male?"
And their reply? "Well, I've never seen a male doll before...so I'm not sure. Oh...and he totally looks female." (The sculpt in question was a Soom male Dia)
So if they can't tell a SD17 is a guy, I'm damn sure they won't be able to if you dress your guys like a girl and give him a girly wig and lipstick.
The only time when someone didn't mistake my doll for a girl? My Iplehouse EID male who was naked at the time. I've also since warned my family that apart from the YOSD and mini, I won't be getting any female dolls so don't ever ask about their gender.

I also observed something interesting. When my family learned that I was getting dolls, they were excited. Until I showed them my EID guy. And I watched their face fall like I had crushed their hopes or something. I asked them why they seem so disappointed and why did they lose their interest so fast.
My sister's reply? "I thought she was going to be in a pretty frilly dress! I didn't expect this! This....this is scary!! He's too big! Too manly!"
My mum was more diplomatic "You know, I thought you were going to get one of those dolls we saw at the Volks showroom. I didn't quite expect this. Anyways...why do you need to get something so big?"